Mirror pieces

Talking to my broken reflection in those mirror pieces
I haven't forgotten you were once whole
You can be once again
Let the energy to flow
You are in control
You are you
Be you!

Faded away from scattered memories
What's in the past ceases to be
You can't look back and admire the view if you can't admire the future too. So live in the moment and look to the future, don't live in the past, learn from it and move on

Make yourself your first priority
Forget about boys, you've got more poise
Than that
You're still in love with playing pretend so get a life and call it to its end
You can do more than sleezy men, so send him on his way and pack it in

This is the advice you'd give a friend
Zzzz
You're falling asleep
Wake up
Bring your mind to your heart
An you will see
What it means to be

Action, reaction, self manipulation, faulty manifestation

The not so pretty side of Shannon

These insecurities brued up from years of feeling unwanted and not needed in this world,
This self pity assists no one.

my strength has faded and I am showing my untrue colours.
 Childish in need of growth, unfulfilled and wanting more, hiding in unnatural happiness and what is more
I'm ruining the one thing that matters most.
There's a lesson to be learned of course,
for as your demons roam free the light at the end of the tunnel almost ceases to be
for the demons play best in darkness and so the light will be temporarily snuffed out

 It's still there though, don't let your demons fool you.
They are you as you are them so let yourself reflect.
You can grow from the lessons around. You should quieten your mind, don't make a sound. For silence is where magic is often found. It's your round now!

Because I knew, I knew it all

I was the dickhead that broke my bloody heart,
 I was the pillock I knew it from the start,
 but I hold no regrets, not one at all because I knew, I knew it all.

Nothing you want comes without  a cost, it can love you and leave you feeling lost,
but I will not turn my back up against the wall... Because I knew, I knew it all

And so you break me down just to build me up again,
i will not frown I'll simply stand against you in this now,
 for I can't pretend I know it all, but I knew I knew it all. Until we meet again, my friend farewell.


I guess now I know, I know nothing at all.

We all have a choice

This karmic cycle must finally end,

If we stay, we stay till the end,

if you break it, I won't pretend,

my self-worth lies through this gate,

my presence and love, don't you underestimate.

I love you dearly, I see the divine within,

But I also see your demonic kin,

I believe we all have the capacity for good and bad,

so remember this when decisions are to be had.

I respect you and look up to you...
but you have to stop playing the fool.

You know I see right through?
Stop acting like a tool!
You are old enough and wise enough to end this childish rue!

Some things you can't undo.

But don't worry I'll make it through without you...

Je t'aime! J'adore! 😂

Behind the jealousy and anxiety hidden inside,
There lies this feeling, hard to hide,
For deep in the burrows of my soul,
Lies a story that remains untold,
For the contract we made together in the last life, is still to unfold.
We made a deal, a vow to live,
to do what's right, my heart I give

Connected by that red thread that ties our souls together.
If you want that contract broken let me know
For I'm the only one who can let go.
I forgive you my dear, for all previous woe.
Just know you can choose a different game to unfold.
I will be my light and give you compassion and caring,  I will break down now and again but I will keep my barings

Remember this, for I fly like the dove,
Bringing harmony to all, from up above.
I guess it's just down to you now!

Take a chance on....

Psycho entry, when narcissists collide!

He's probably playing me,
As I lie blissfully unaware,
He's probably laughing,
But I guess I don't care.
Laugh if you will,
I dare you to,
As long as you give me my fill,
Of heart fluttering goo


I know your game and I raise you 10,
For our souls they dance,
It's not this fun with most men!
I hear your choice of words,
I see how you read,
I know what you're doing
I'm following your lead 😋


And genuinely now, I feel quite deeply for you, so go on! Continue to play your games as you do...


Just don't be gutted when I play too! 😉

The intensity from within

The emotions I'm feeling,
Of how I am dealing
This heart was once so closed off
Trusting was just never enough,
Look at me, I'm yours for the taking,
But of what I'm afraid of you breaking.
I can't handle these feelings no more,
Letting myself fall, what am I doing this for?
I want to run away but at the same time I can't hide,
Of all the times, this concept I've lied.
I never knew what it was to feel,
But now I know it's all too real.
Its intensity, in all forms, confusion a must, separated into pieces of bruises and trust. For now I see that my love was never enough, it was not true, it was not love, it WAS lust.

For love should not be as romanticised as it is, it's more than just the warm fuzzy from within... It's this mixture of feelings all scrambled in to one, it's creating a connection with someone of whose soul can not be won.
Its creating a bond far beyond this plane of existence,
It's breaking free of your own shackles and finding some persistence,
It's practicing patience and knowing the shadows of the self. Its not wanting to look at somebody else, not out of fear of upsetting the other person but just simply because you're not interested.

Wow, how intense is this feeling I have.

Dream... (31/08/2016)

Listen... Can you hear that?

That's the beat of your heart,
against the gentle waves of excitement...
Adventure awaits!
Just look to the moon, let the waves crash in!
Erase all sense of doom!

Love yourself, as you love thine neighbor;
Respect the wealth you've received in this life...
Thank the other...


Be True To Yourself....

Leap of faith!

Nervous and giggly,
Gearing up...

Safety information explained;
Do the banana boat out of the plane!
The beginning is in sight,
For which I won't fight, this feeling of flight;
The wind in all it's might,
Falling through the air in broad daylight,
Traveling at terminal velocity, passion.. ignite!

Absolutely TERRIFIED for the ending in sight!

It all sounds pretty easy mind!

It's what you do that counts!

It's not who you are,
It's what you do,
It's how you make your mind up too,
It's saying what rings as true,
And accepting what you can't undo.

But life goes on anyway,
You cannot reverse to make a change,
Your life is worth living everyday,
Everything is going to be okay.

Live as every moment counts,
It'd be unfair to let yourself down,
Give yourself the love you seek now,
If what you believe is what you see,
Then please have faith in generosity,
Treat yourself and others compassionately,
Only then will you be free.

Coping mechanisms (12/16)

Denial, is the greatest tool.
The best way to lie to yourself!
Regression is SIMPLY UNCOOL and repression...
well... what good is that?
Humour, however, brings joy...
but not necessarily acceptance.
The sands of time have not pooled,
only clogged up the passage-line.

Never look back, as the pain is in the past,
Can't look forward, because the past holds me back!
Living in the moment seems a tedious task.
So stagnant I'll remain until I'm back in the past...
Silly, silly repression has got my back!

Angelic Influence

My heart is open,
Oh how it glows;
This pink and green ethereal light,
shines through my soul;
Now love takes over,
My will; I take hold,
For now; I can let time unfold,

I'm excited to live, preventing the low;
Manifesting positivity, for the generations below;
To feel what is real, to finally feel whole!
Although, they may think I'm being bold...

I'm understanding so much more than I used to,
I'm loving with my entirety!
I'm so grateful for the way I finally see,
I am awake... I am free...

I wear this smile, upon my cheeks;
I love that I can see and feel,
My skin feels so warm and lovely!
All anybody wants is to simply be!

Those materialistic values,
They are part of the problem;
We love the tech we use,
Yet we ignore, this is our burden.
For when love takes you by surprise, (and it will)
You may even open your eyes;
And truly see the beauty in the sunrise!
Those materials will materialise!
This is where you'll find value!

Change the story, Sadness is not needed

The demons jump up,
they start to scag my clothes, they leave me scarred, a broken mess on the floor,
They shake me and rattle me until I can't take no more,
But here I am, healing they say
and i seem to be gaining the patience and will to face each day

My poetry was once so negative,
change it around, make it so I face each day,
with a ray of light,
a dazzle of day
It will all be okay.

I will show everyone, I will prove myself wrong
Why look upon everything, without a little bird song,

Caught out

Not that it matters anyway,
but your heart is way ahead of your brains,
your actions are not what you think, they're what you feel;
ain't that so surreal?
Stumbling from place to place,
Forgetting to check the makeup all over your face,
this, you can't replace,
everything might be at stake,
your dreams unheard of,
hidden in the fogs of broken dreams,
trying to discover what this all means;
Nothing is truly ever as it seems,
but I guess you manifest your reality,
and if you want it shallow and mean,
you'll never discover what it all really means...

And so he'll keep looking curiously intrigued,
by what he perceives to be me.

Realise eachothers discipline

A heart is hidden so deep in sorrow, Lost in the burrows of hidden remorse, Invisible from the light of the torch, As only shadows can be seen for the most... But the light is at the end of this tunnel. Falling for your closest friend, There's only so long you'll pretend. You know if you say something, he'll only offend. I'm finally ready for my punishment to end. I understand now what I've done to those, Those who confided in me praised the rose, But here I am, falling in woe. Oh love slightly tragic, I don't want to let go. Is this real, or a fragment of my mind, Am I making the same mistake of being blind, I see the flaws, but I can not hide behind, These feelings that are real and oh so sublime. They do not make sense to me at all, A cognitive repulsion lead to this call, A weird backwards attraction, the one that made me fall, Through the sky, no longer able to crawl, One day there will be no need for that wall. Letting the healing progress, And what is more, You have somehow become the one I adore. So I guess finally, I shall say my farewell, You know I was never made for this hell, I'm destined for more than being fool to your spell. I'll meet you again in another realm, You'll just be yet another story to tell... Or better yet see you another year, When both of us become more "mature", I'm talking of course, of a self-love that is pure, If only this happens, then we'll be eachothers cure But for now, I'll follow knowledge of numbers and questions on the universe, I'll become more self-disciplined and focus on each verse, Structure my life away from the hearse, Meditation and discipline, must come first. Passion into study, focus of mind, Determination, realise that love is blind. Deeper understanding will be my find, The higher dimensions will assist from being left behind. For knowledge is what I wish to observe, Truth I wish to conserve. I believe that is what I deserve. A lonely Road yet it may be, But a place where my mind will be free. Blessed be.

Fear of letting go

My head feels heavy,
My mouth feels dry
I don't know what I'm writing because I'm high
I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it
I  don't even know if this is it
In scared to change but scared to stay the same
I'm feeling insane, in a world so inane
I've repeated a routine that feels almost mundane
And I need to get out before I cut off my brain
I want to be free but I can't reap the truth
I stay in line because it keeps me aloof
It is the case that I can't see
I just don't know what I should be

Or how I should open up to the imaginary
Without losing grip of reality

Every good connection I've ever had
Has been wasted because I've had my eyes set on some other lad

Ain't that stupidly bad?

Aren't I living an idiotic fad

To be a musician that would be rad,
To be a psychologist with a curious head
To create truth maps using maths implying red
And that's how you can see she's run out of things she could have said.

Fuck being dead in a world full of zombies.
Take me now and save me the release. I'm hurting inside but I don't like to feel as I'm worried it'll hurt more than hot coal on my feet.

Fear prevents growth

I feel the weight of the sky
and the heat of the moment,
this love will pass me by,
like the rushing of the river,

My heart will cry for that which is not good for me,
my gut will scream to leave for my highest intentions,
my brain will stay in naive curiosity,
 to see if what I know to be true is actually true,
In the meanwhile, my body will hunger for something new.

It all feels the same,
this addiction, that makes me insane,
this false light which saves me from the inane.
The impossible becomes possible when you put your heart on the line.
but it also opens a door to a kind of suffering that makes us blind.

You've got to take risks in life, to make it through alive.
To live avoiding risk is a life not worth living,
To live hiding from some of the most powerful emotions in the world,
can be quite a dull life.

I've lived with nothing and it does bring peace,
but living with something gives me a reason to loosen the leash,
There's so much to experience, so much to see, so much to hear.
I haven't even experienced a fraction of it yet.

Open your arms, trust the wind to hold you upright.
Glide with style, let the universe make you smile...
Remember this experience is all worth while.
Don't be afraid to go that extra mile.

Although these memories will just be another file.
Don't take things too seriously,
it's not worth the stress!

Don't be fooled!

Look at the world through different eyes,
Look behind the great disguise,
Break the mould and realise,
The beauty that lies behind.

We are infinite, yet oh so blinded by,
The evils of the world,
The constant lies,
We live in competition, ignoring the cries.

If we help each other out,
We let each other fly,
Help unclip our wings,
Let us all be high!

Let's not be drowned by the media distractions,
It's time we put our efforts into our actions,
If every action has an equal and opposite reaction,
Then there is a necessary evil which has to exist in this faction.

Living in the moment, shouldn't be so hard,
Why do we fixate on the good and the bad,
Just be, just live, let the good times be had.
Living for love, not living for some silly fad.

I'm ready to let go,
I'm ready to face the world anew.
Take me universe, into the sky,
take me to the next chapter of my life.

Infinite love and gratitude, I will not hide.

I trust the process.
I am realised.

Just a helpful blog to write

I'm lying in my bed, I'm thinking through my life situation at the moment.

Recently everyone has been worried about me, I was so confused when people started saying they were worried, as to me everything was hunky dorey.
But fuck I finally can see.
I've been in the clouds for perhaps a bit too long.

I was failing to grieve for my past relationship and ignoring any of my feelings towards the subject. Blindly looking forward with no game plan. Idiocy.

I've honestly lost myself this past year. Its been hard getting me back. I guess that's why they say you need to lose yourself to find yourself. I changed so much and even I didn't realise it. Until now, where I've found myself and she's exactly the same as past me. I've been false as fuck this past year or so.

Wow.

Away with the fairies is an understatement.

I'm on earth again, I ran away because I didn't want to deal with anything, Ive been saying it's because it's boring, it's not boring though it's just scarey. I used to be very strong and pretty independent,but my ex made me feel like I needed to depend on someone. But truth is I was doing fine before he came along. He was adamant we could grow as people while we were together, but I think I went backwards during my relationship.

I created a false ego to help me keep my head in the clouds. I guess it's good to land once in a while, sooner or later these unresolved problems will rack eachother up.

Crystal clear.

People are like icicles dangling from a branch.

I feel like the branch, struggling to maintain my structural integrity just to keep them from falling, but they're gonna melt away eventually, anyway! So why waste my energy? All good things come to an end, all bad things come to an end. Everyone just has to walk their own path and be authentic.

I speak of authenticity in some of my poems, I write as if I know what I'm actually talking about. 

But the truth is I don't have a clue half the time. I'm very in tune with my emotions, but the truth is I spend so much time thinking into the emotions of others, processing those feelings, how they affect others, that I neglect myself. I can get something positive from them like for example, writing... which fuels me to do it more so, but I fail to actually approach my own emotional issues and hence deal with them in a very unhealthy way. The problem is I empathise so much with others because I feel I haven't got my own demons to contend with, I guess I get off on it that little bit. But, the truth is I do need to face my shadows. I'm human! no different to anyone else.

Maybe it's time for me to be that icicle on someone else's branch. I've always been afraid of making that trusting decision to just lean on others because I've convinced myself I don't need anyone and have made myself believe I am strong enough to help keep others on the right path... But if we all just focus on looking after ourselves and loving ourselves as much as we do one another, it is possible to expand and instead of just being one branch with icicles doomed to melt away eventually, we can all be strong branches, a part of one massive tree of life.

 I guess it's about zooming out once in a while and actually observing the bigger picture, but not only that, being able to zoom into that picture and notice the important things which keep the tree standing. We need to nurture that. Nobody else can do that for us better than we can ourselves. So maybe I don't need to be an icicle maybe I need to be a branch in the spring, nurturing itself, maintaining its structural integrity, but also connected to other parts of this tree, which once in a while may lend assistance when I need it, and if I get to that point where I'm fully sustained and looking after myself, then once in a while I'll have that energy spare to lend that helping hand. We all need to work together, but that doesn't mean sacrificing out lifeforce, it's about balance, as is everything in the life of a Libra! 

When I believe I am saying something from a good heart and coming from a place of understanding; I often end up adding to the issue because I haven't got the answer as much as I think I do sometimes. I am strong, yes. But I need to direct that strength to the right place! My heart, my head, my body, my soul. I need to stop feeding this consistent need to pick up other peoples pieces and start picking up my own pieces. One by one I can fit them together.  The analogy that comes to mind is that each piece is part of a jigsaw, but my skills are limited when it comes to fitting together pieces such as this, they're all funny four dimensional shapes, afterall! You can't expect a child to complete a 2D jigsaw they first few times they look at the pieces, it takes a while for them to understand what shapes fit where, and maybe even more importantly, what shapes don't fit there!

 If I piece together my being first, I will develop the necessary understanding of this kind of puzzle to help others piece themselves together. One thing is for certain, picking up random pieces and putting them in places where they seem to fit but in reality they don't actually fit, doesn't often help out. Of course, once in a while the probability of one piece actually fitting is there, but if I expect to consistently be that helping hand like I've always wanted to be I need to first recognise which pieces are meant to go where before poking my nose in like The Bodacious Bodach. [1]

I wrote this to order my thoughts. Reading over I can really see how muddled my head has been, but it's helped. So if by any chance ANYBODY reads this. Give it a try, writing down these thoughts, especially after you've had a deep chat with one of your closest friends, because it really can release a lot of confusion and frustration and set your head in the right place to slowly begin accomplishing you goals.

Diamond disaster

Leading into the untold memories.
A tale of woe, A childhood released.
A life of torture and incapacity.
Living for what seems like an eternity.

I fear the sounds, the aches I feel.
I dread the clouds that wash over me.
My heart is sound, not blackened beneath,
but my head it pounds, Lost in the sheath.

I'm not the person you may believe.
But I can overcome what made me leave.
I've come back around, with my wreath.
To take away the forgotten, I've come to free.
To help me breathe.

This reality is not as dark as it seems,
Yes the darkness can consume,
It can defy gravity to,
It often seems too awful to be true.
But overcome it you will. You WILL get through.

The tunnel is long and seemingly endless,
It goes on and on and leaves you helpless.
But give in to it and accept the fight,
Learn to crawl in the depths of night,
and just as you feel you can't find your light...
It will wash over you in the blink of an eye.

And here I'll stay to guide,
an earth angel from birth, your connection to the moon.
But you see all things must come to an end,
the good and the bad,
The love of a friend.
One day I won't have a helping hand to lend.
But don't be afraid to chat once again.
The end of the journey, it makes me sad.
although the journey is slowly making me mad.
I can't turn my back on a 'lad'.
You're the best friend I ever had.

And here's a toast,
to the bride and the groom.
My soul will always yearn for you.
Your happiness was so alive and true.
The moment you walked on through.


Where have I gone, I cannot say.
But you will see me another day,
My head is dazed and maybe not okay.
but you know where I lay...

Please don't have another glass of Chardonnay!

Anger

The fury lights a flame within,
Agression slowly seeping in.
Anger overcomes shame,
Pent up energy, of which I'm to blame.
I kept it in for so long,
Now it just feels so wrong,
I can't control this rage,
I know it's not staged
I know I'm approaching the age,
To face what has been engraved,
In stone, enslaved,
A fire such as this can not be tamed.

The break down is coming.
I need to stop running,
The itch is irritating,
My temper is gyrating.
I'm heavily contemplating,
My personality is breaking.
I can't keep on faking.
But I can't face this waking
Moment hating...

Bring me solitude,
Bring me fortitude.
Let my breathe cool this wilderness within.
The fire does not need to be destructive,
Give me seductive, without being abductive,
These words are deductive, and have been heavily fucked with.

Melancholy would be a sweet release,
If geese is to goose then surely moose is to meese.

Egoic Embellishment

The self, the 'I' we like to show. The untrue self.

We create our stories,

of peace and solitude,

We mask our flaws...

With untruth, so carefully brewed.

We shine our false light,

on everything we do,

Only to realise we've masked

what's actually true.

We play our games, 

our ego is soothed,

We make our claims,

... a selfish rue.

What's to be gained?

It's up to you...

But I won't be the one to queue.

Listen closely, at the stories I tell,

Don't look beyond,

all you'll find is hell.

I didn't want anyone to see,

How the cogs work,

How my human nature,

Made me lurk.

'I'm so ugly', to which you respond 'no you're not'

'I'm so stupid' to which you respond, 'You don't realise your own intelligence'

I did not believe these things, not consciously at least,

but delving into my subconscious, I have found some release.

It turns out I am a sadist, a narcissist in disguise,

I tell the truth through my selfish lies.

You feed my ego, add to my pride,

but the evil that lurks behind these eyes is mine to hide.

I do not need your help anymore,

I've finally realised why I do what I adore,

It's not out of any disrespect,

it's shame... an ego left derelict.

So in comes ego number two,

The one that laughs and smiles at you...

The one that could never hurt or misuse you, 

don't worry she lies to herself too. 

I suppose when the actual light shines through,

It's not so unbelievable, the ego hides it, until it can't be hidden anymore.

Stop adding to the falsity that is 'I'.

It does not need to be another lie.

Be authentic, don't be afraid to cry,

When you find that light you can share it, 

but first, you need to recognise that false light and capture it,

let it grow, nurture it. 

Don't push it back and create a new personality,

because everytime you do that, you push the truth further away. 

Authenticity is a scarcity, 

Dare to venture?

The gates of change have opened,
The pull to the unknown is true,
I'll have to keep my wits about me,
If I'm to make my dreams come out of the blue.

It appears to be a rocky road,
But everybody is afraid of the unknown,
Face the future with my satchel over my shoulder,
Play the fool and face the world alone.

I've been so sensible for so long,
I've not listened to my hearts plea,
for freedom and understanding,
for happiness and glee.

I've made excuse after excuse,
but the truth is I've been living for others,
I've made decisions against my soul,
just to prove my worth to countless lovers

because I've dealt with constant disappointment from those at home,
I've cared so much of others thoughts,
so much so, I've neglected my own!

Only to end up in the same position,
of discontent and misery,
I'm not saying it's justifiable, but it is what I've begun to see.

Not realising that what I've needed is to explore my inner child

Make a stand for my soul
this is my indefinite goal.
Find my light and let it grow,
let it show me how to be whole.

I am me. I am a force for good.
This individual has much to do.
My work has not begun yet,
and can't be until I'm through,

So save me all your concern,
Let me walk this road, discerned.
Let me make my mistakes and learn.
Let my fire burn.

Before it is too late.

Walk away from consistent consequential behaviour.

Pushing away may seem like the actions of a selfish man,
A person who quite easily can't see his fingers from his hands.

An inner child who is only now learning how to crawl,
It's taken some time and some people to go through it all.

Self-control... easy to maintain if you're on your own.
Hard to sustain when you can't trust yourself, when you don't know yourself..
I guess I've got to walk this road alone.

I'd love to give you the reins like I did before,
consistently following, I don't need my control.

But I do, inevitably, need to get past the crawl...

Those affected... I can only show remorse...
The feeling is there but yet I can't help but lose it all..
I disconnect, I re-elect... I deject.
What have I been doing all this for?

For fuck sake Shannon, it's taken 8 years of this insane behaviour
It's about time you thought to save ya... Constantly justifying the same wager.
Juggling hearts as if it's your major.

When enough is enough, you need to obey her. She needs respect and self-love.. don't delay her...
Your higher-self stays in a different layer, especially if you can't overcome what makes you stay here.


Look I'm not asking you to stay detached, to stop the quest for love, not lust.
I'm asking you to respect what god gave you and let that magic shine through
like a UV light shows invisible ink! Your fingerprints...

The premise of your being, past your mind, your body.
Your soul needs the nourishment, just like everybody...

Just plant the seeds for your future.
Be patient to see them bloom and appear.
That will be your remedy, this will be your cure

So I refer back to the man that walked away,
was he being selfish or selfless?
Selfish for leaving the important things behind or selfless for seeing the damage he'd cause by sticking around

basically just attempting to avoid that pain and suffering... past his own disdain.