Anger

The fury lights a flame within,
Agression slowly seeping in.
Anger overcomes shame,
Pent up energy, of which I'm to blame.
I kept it in for so long,
Now it just feels so wrong,
I can't control this rage,
I know it's not staged
I know I'm approaching the age,
To face what has been engraved,
In stone, enslaved,
A fire such as this can not be tamed.

The break down is coming.
I need to stop running,
The itch is irritating,
My temper is gyrating.
I'm heavily contemplating,
My personality is breaking.
I can't keep on faking.
But I can't face this waking
Moment hating...

Bring me solitude,
Bring me fortitude.
Let my breathe cool this wilderness within.
The fire does not need to be destructive,
Give me seductive, without being abductive,
These words are deductive, and have been heavily fucked with.

Melancholy would be a sweet release,
If geese is to goose then surely moose is to meese.

Egoic Embellishment

The self, the 'I' we like to show. The untrue self.

We create our stories,

of peace and solitude,

We mask our flaws...

With untruth, so carefully brewed.

We shine our false light,

on everything we do,

Only to realise we've masked

what's actually true.

We play our games, 

our ego is soothed,

We make our claims,

... a selfish rue.

What's to be gained?

It's up to you...

But I won't be the one to queue.

Listen closely, at the stories I tell,

Don't look beyond,

all you'll find is hell.

I didn't want anyone to see,

How the cogs work,

How my human nature,

Made me lurk.

'I'm so ugly', to which you respond 'no you're not'

'I'm so stupid' to which you respond, 'You don't realise your own intelligence'

I did not believe these things, not consciously at least,

but delving into my subconscious, I have found some release.

It turns out I am a sadist, a narcissist in disguise,

I tell the truth through my selfish lies.

You feed my ego, add to my pride,

but the evil that lurks behind these eyes is mine to hide.

I do not need your help anymore,

I've finally realised why I do what I adore,

It's not out of any disrespect,

it's shame... an ego left derelict.

So in comes ego number two,

The one that laughs and smiles at you...

The one that could never hurt or misuse you, 

don't worry she lies to herself too. 

I suppose when the actual light shines through,

It's not so unbelievable, the ego hides it, until it can't be hidden anymore.

Stop adding to the falsity that is 'I'.

It does not need to be another lie.

Be authentic, don't be afraid to cry,

When you find that light you can share it, 

but first, you need to recognise that false light and capture it,

let it grow, nurture it. 

Don't push it back and create a new personality,

because everytime you do that, you push the truth further away. 

Authenticity is a scarcity, 

Dare to venture?

The gates of change have opened,
The pull to the unknown is true,
I'll have to keep my wits about me,
If I'm to make my dreams come out of the blue.

It appears to be a rocky road,
But everybody is afraid of the unknown,
Face the future with my satchel over my shoulder,
Play the fool and face the world alone.

I've been so sensible for so long,
I've not listened to my hearts plea,
for freedom and understanding,
for happiness and glee.

I've made excuse after excuse,
but the truth is I've been living for others,
I've made decisions against my soul,
just to prove my worth to countless lovers

because I've dealt with constant disappointment from those at home,
I've cared so much of others thoughts,
so much so, I've neglected my own!

Only to end up in the same position,
of discontent and misery,
I'm not saying it's justifiable, but it is what I've begun to see.

Not realising that what I've needed is to explore my inner child

Make a stand for my soul
this is my indefinite goal.
Find my light and let it grow,
let it show me how to be whole.

I am me. I am a force for good.
This individual has much to do.
My work has not begun yet,
and can't be until I'm through,

So save me all your concern,
Let me walk this road, discerned.
Let me make my mistakes and learn.
Let my fire burn.

Before it is too late.

Walk away from consistent consequential behaviour.

Pushing away may seem like the actions of a selfish man,
A person who quite easily can't see his fingers from his hands.

An inner child who is only now learning how to crawl,
It's taken some time and some people to go through it all.

Self-control... easy to maintain if you're on your own.
Hard to sustain when you can't trust yourself, when you don't know yourself..
I guess I've got to walk this road alone.

I'd love to give you the reins like I did before,
consistently following, I don't need my control.

But I do, inevitably, need to get past the crawl...

Those affected... I can only show remorse...
The feeling is there but yet I can't help but lose it all..
I disconnect, I re-elect... I deject.
What have I been doing all this for?

For fuck sake Shannon, it's taken 8 years of this insane behaviour
It's about time you thought to save ya... Constantly justifying the same wager.
Juggling hearts as if it's your major.

When enough is enough, you need to obey her. She needs respect and self-love.. don't delay her...
Your higher-self stays in a different layer, especially if you can't overcome what makes you stay here.


Look I'm not asking you to stay detached, to stop the quest for love, not lust.
I'm asking you to respect what god gave you and let that magic shine through
like a UV light shows invisible ink! Your fingerprints...

The premise of your being, past your mind, your body.
Your soul needs the nourishment, just like everybody...

Just plant the seeds for your future.
Be patient to see them bloom and appear.
That will be your remedy, this will be your cure

So I refer back to the man that walked away,
was he being selfish or selfless?
Selfish for leaving the important things behind or selfless for seeing the damage he'd cause by sticking around

basically just attempting to avoid that pain and suffering... past his own disdain.