Fuck you humanity.

Dear humanity,

Fuck you humanity for being lead by your greed and your impatience and your lack of compassion, not just for your fellow humans but for the other beings living on this planet and for the planet itself,
Fuck you for being a plague on our home,
Fuck you for taking and taking over and over again and never giving back,
Fuck you for brainwashing our citizens so much that they can't even fucking see what has gone on,
Fuck you for dulling down the populations so much that nobody can fucking think for themselves anymore and barely anyone seems to truly understand the impact we have on the world around us.
Fuck you for your stupid monetary investments into "making the world a better place" while all the while further destroying our beautiful globe of light and life,
Fuck you for continuing the lust for power and for bombing and killing loads and loads of people just for oil and again monetary gain,
Fuck you for trying to convince us all there's nothing to worry about when there really is,
Fuck you for pushing so many into spiraling depression so that we are so deep in our personal hell that we are too weak to do anything about it
Fuck you for preaching a world of love while all the while deceiving everyone.
Fuck you for being human. Fuck you for being lead by mundane temptations. Fuck you for giving people the "illusion of power" while all the while further distracting them so that they can't actually do anything with that power.
Fuck you humanity for being so fucking weak and just letting these sins run wild.
Fuck you humanity, you selfish selfish beings.

Fuck me for not being able to do anything but write this stupid fucking piece in hopes that I'm not the only fucking 10 headed alien on this planet who actually fucking gives a shit and fucking sees that something needs to change, and although i agree we all need to do our internal bit, I have to ask when does thought become action? Because thinking and contemplating the possibility of change is no good if none of us are willing to put those thoughts into action and actually make a sodding fucking difference.

Fuck you, humanity! Fuck you.

We all have a choice

This karmic cycle must finally end,

If we stay, we stay till the end,

if you break it, I won't pretend,

my self-worth lies through this gate,

my presence and love, don't you underestimate.

I love you dearly, I see the divine within,

But I also see your demonic kin,

I believe we all have the capacity for good and bad,

so remember this when decisions are to be had.

I respect you and look up to you...
but you have to stop playing the fool.

You know I see right through?
Stop acting like a tool!
You are old enough and wise enough to end this childish rue!

Some things you can't undo.

But don't worry I'll make it through without you...

Je t'aime! J'adore! 😂

Behind the jealousy and anxiety hidden inside,
There lies this feeling, hard to hide,
For deep in the burrows of my soul,
Lies a story that remains untold,
For the contract we made together in the last life, is still to unfold.
We made a deal, a vow to live,
to do what's right, my heart I give

Connected by that red thread that ties our souls together.
If you want that contract broken let me know
For I'm the only one who can let go.
I forgive you my dear, for all previous woe.
Just know you can choose a different game to unfold.
I will be my light and give you compassion and caring,  I will break down now and again but I will keep my barings

Remember this, for I fly like the dove,
Bringing harmony to all, from up above.
I guess it's just down to you now!

Take a chance on....

Coping mechanisms (12/16)

Denial, is the greatest tool.
The best way to lie to yourself!
Regression is SIMPLY UNCOOL and repression...
well... what good is that?
Humour, however, brings joy...
but not necessarily acceptance.
The sands of time have not pooled,
only clogged up the passage-line.

Never look back, as the pain is in the past,
Can't look forward, because the past holds me back!
Living in the moment seems a tedious task.
So stagnant I'll remain until I'm back in the past...
Silly, silly repression has got my back!

Change the story, Sadness is not needed

The demons jump up,
they start to scag my clothes, they leave me scarred, a broken mess on the floor,
They shake me and rattle me until I can't take no more,
But here I am, healing they say
and i seem to be gaining the patience and will to face each day

My poetry was once so negative,
change it around, make it so I face each day,
with a ray of light,
a dazzle of day
It will all be okay.

I will show everyone, I will prove myself wrong
Why look upon everything, without a little bird song,

Fear of letting go

My head feels heavy,
My mouth feels dry
I don't know what I'm writing because I'm high
I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it
I  don't even know if this is it
In scared to change but scared to stay the same
I'm feeling insane, in a world so inane
I've repeated a routine that feels almost mundane
And I need to get out before I cut off my brain
I want to be free but I can't reap the truth
I stay in line because it keeps me aloof
It is the case that I can't see
I just don't know what I should be

Or how I should open up to the imaginary
Without losing grip of reality

Every good connection I've ever had
Has been wasted because I've had my eyes set on some other lad

Ain't that stupidly bad?

Aren't I living an idiotic fad

To be a musician that would be rad,
To be a psychologist with a curious head
To create truth maps using maths implying red
And that's how you can see she's run out of things she could have said.

Fuck being dead in a world full of zombies.
Take me now and save me the release. I'm hurting inside but I don't like to feel as I'm worried it'll hurt more than hot coal on my feet.

Diamond disaster

Leading into the untold memories.
A tale of woe, A childhood released.
A life of torture and incapacity.
Living for what seems like an eternity.

I fear the sounds, the aches I feel.
I dread the clouds that wash over me.
My heart is sound, not blackened beneath,
but my head it pounds, Lost in the sheath.

I'm not the person you may believe.
But I can overcome what made me leave.
I've come back around, with my wreath.
To take away the forgotten, I've come to free.
To help me breathe.

This reality is not as dark as it seems,
Yes the darkness can consume,
It can defy gravity to,
It often seems too awful to be true.
But overcome it you will. You WILL get through.

The tunnel is long and seemingly endless,
It goes on and on and leaves you helpless.
But give in to it and accept the fight,
Learn to crawl in the depths of night,
and just as you feel you can't find your light...
It will wash over you in the blink of an eye.

And here I'll stay to guide,
an earth angel from birth, your connection to the moon.
But you see all things must come to an end,
the good and the bad,
The love of a friend.
One day I won't have a helping hand to lend.
But don't be afraid to chat once again.
The end of the journey, it makes me sad.
although the journey is slowly making me mad.
I can't turn my back on a 'lad'.
You're the best friend I ever had.

And here's a toast,
to the bride and the groom.
My soul will always yearn for you.
Your happiness was so alive and true.
The moment you walked on through.


Where have I gone, I cannot say.
But you will see me another day,
My head is dazed and maybe not okay.
but you know where I lay...

Please don't have another glass of Chardonnay!

Egoic Embellishment

The self, the 'I' we like to show. The untrue self.

We create our stories,

of peace and solitude,

We mask our flaws...

With untruth, so carefully brewed.

We shine our false light,

on everything we do,

Only to realise we've masked

what's actually true.

We play our games, 

our ego is soothed,

We make our claims,

... a selfish rue.

What's to be gained?

It's up to you...

But I won't be the one to queue.

Listen closely, at the stories I tell,

Don't look beyond,

all you'll find is hell.

I didn't want anyone to see,

How the cogs work,

How my human nature,

Made me lurk.

'I'm so ugly', to which you respond 'no you're not'

'I'm so stupid' to which you respond, 'You don't realise your own intelligence'

I did not believe these things, not consciously at least,

but delving into my subconscious, I have found some release.

It turns out I am a sadist, a narcissist in disguise,

I tell the truth through my selfish lies.

You feed my ego, add to my pride,

but the evil that lurks behind these eyes is mine to hide.

I do not need your help anymore,

I've finally realised why I do what I adore,

It's not out of any disrespect,

it's shame... an ego left derelict.

So in comes ego number two,

The one that laughs and smiles at you...

The one that could never hurt or misuse you, 

don't worry she lies to herself too. 

I suppose when the actual light shines through,

It's not so unbelievable, the ego hides it, until it can't be hidden anymore.

Stop adding to the falsity that is 'I'.

It does not need to be another lie.

Be authentic, don't be afraid to cry,

When you find that light you can share it, 

but first, you need to recognise that false light and capture it,

let it grow, nurture it. 

Don't push it back and create a new personality,

because everytime you do that, you push the truth further away. 

Authenticity is a scarcity, 

Dare to venture?

The gates of change have opened,
The pull to the unknown is true,
I'll have to keep my wits about me,
If I'm to make my dreams come out of the blue.

It appears to be a rocky road,
But everybody is afraid of the unknown,
Face the future with my satchel over my shoulder,
Play the fool and face the world alone.

I've been so sensible for so long,
I've not listened to my hearts plea,
for freedom and understanding,
for happiness and glee.

I've made excuse after excuse,
but the truth is I've been living for others,
I've made decisions against my soul,
just to prove my worth to countless lovers

because I've dealt with constant disappointment from those at home,
I've cared so much of others thoughts,
so much so, I've neglected my own!

Only to end up in the same position,
of discontent and misery,
I'm not saying it's justifiable, but it is what I've begun to see.

Not realising that what I've needed is to explore my inner child

Make a stand for my soul
this is my indefinite goal.
Find my light and let it grow,
let it show me how to be whole.

I am me. I am a force for good.
This individual has much to do.
My work has not begun yet,
and can't be until I'm through,

So save me all your concern,
Let me walk this road, discerned.
Let me make my mistakes and learn.
Let my fire burn.

Before it is too late.

Longing for freedom

What a curious world we live in,
Where paying our bills is our priority,
Where working our arses off is our philosophy,
Where 'growing up' is mandatory.
And yet, none of us see.

We were all once children,
We were wild, we were free.
We lived in the world of the imaginary,
Where anything was possible, where we could simply be.
Why have we lost our purity?
Where is our humility?
Why can't we be free?

We went through childhood,
We were conditioned and taught how to see,
How to breath, yet not how to believe,
Life was broken into sections, our imaginations constricted, our realities restricted,
Our paths depicted, generalised into the unimportant, yet made to believe they were important.

Lunacy.
We now lack our empathy, we now lack generosity, curiosity and most of all, humanity!
In a world built up of such beauty, how is it that we no longer see?
Why are we not free? Please help me understand what happened to me?

What happened to that little girl, who once saw the beauty in everything?
That little girl who was unafraid to say anything?
That little girl who admired all artistry?
That little girl, who was oh so slightly cheeky?
Where did she go? Why isn't that me?

I guess I just wish I could still see. Through the eyes of that child, who was once me.


Thoughtful Extension As the animals roam so wildly and so care free,
As the horses that run through the fields full of love and joy, not caring about their destiny, but possessing the ability to simply be.
Oh, how i wish to live with no worry of warranty, to live so naturally,
How I long for that ability! How I long to BE SILLY!
To be so gracefully ungraceful, to laugh, to cry, to not live this lie.
For existence to return to how it should be.
To live among the trees, to dream the biggest dreams!

To hold those of whome I love, to be loved for being me...
I wish to open my eyes, to see what lies behind, what we've all been conditioned to see.

Thoughts

Head. Confused. Stressed. Lost.
Cloudy. Broken. Dazed.

What am I to do? I need help. I need support. I can't rely on others though.
Why would I?
People ruin everything.

People can take the truth and mould it. They may not even mean to, they just accidentally end up moulding it. What a mess.

People don't understand. It's why I'm afraid. Afraid to leave, afraid to confront.
But that fear is outweighed.
I'm also afraid to lose people. I can't trust anyone, but that doesn't stop me getting attached. No, if only it did.

I'm lost.

Help me.

The fear of reality of going completely insane

I feel like my hues are muted,
Like I'm coloured outside the line.
I feel like my mind is polluted,
Like gray flowing down my spine.

Don't get the wrong impression,
I am not caught in a deep hole,
This is not black depression,
It's a dampening of my soul.

The blues of my skies are pink,
And the yellows of my sand is green,
My brain is too dull to think,
The slate is totally clean.

My palette just has shades of gray,
Nothing too dark or exciting,
The doctor wants it that way.

Don't get me started on writing,
The words just won't come to me,
For each letter, I am fighting,
So I can help you see,
How I want to flirt with insanity.

I crave the bright white,
And I do not fear depravity,
I will be high as a kite!
In a wondrous thunderstorm,
With rainbows and lightning!

The white will keep me warm,
While everything is frightening!
But mania stings like a bee,
And once it dies it unlocks
And sets the depression free
From out of pandoras box
Flows the reaper,
He drags me in deeper!

Do you want to hurt yourself?
Mark an x in the box...
Do you want to kill yourself?
No I won't stop my clock!
Love and curiosity keep me around!
What will be? How will they react?

Bring me back to the ground...
But oh this is all hypothetical...
I wouldn't do this another time,
It's just all theoretical.

I'm joking, I make big talk,
I'm terrified too much!
With this illness I won't walk
Without my crutch.
This little white pill,
Which makes life ordinary.

But I'll hold onto this fantasy still,
Of the extreme extraordinary!
But I won't let it tempt me,
Because of the fear of reality,
Of going completely insane.