We all have a choice

This karmic cycle must finally end,

If we stay, we stay till the end,

if you break it, I won't pretend,

my self-worth lies through this gate,

my presence and love, don't you underestimate.

I love you dearly, I see the divine within,

But I also see your demonic kin,

I believe we all have the capacity for good and bad,

so remember this when decisions are to be had.

I respect you and look up to you...
but you have to stop playing the fool.

You know I see right through?
Stop acting like a tool!
You are old enough and wise enough to end this childish rue!

Some things you can't undo.

But don't worry I'll make it through without you...

It's what you do that counts!

It's not who you are,
It's what you do,
It's how you make your mind up too,
It's saying what rings as true,
And accepting what you can't undo.

But life goes on anyway,
You cannot reverse to make a change,
Your life is worth living everyday,
Everything is going to be okay.

Live as every moment counts,
It'd be unfair to let yourself down,
Give yourself the love you seek now,
If what you believe is what you see,
Then please have faith in generosity,
Treat yourself and others compassionately,
Only then will you be free.

Coping mechanisms (12/16)

Denial, is the greatest tool.
The best way to lie to yourself!
Regression is SIMPLY UNCOOL and repression...
well... what good is that?
Humour, however, brings joy...
but not necessarily acceptance.
The sands of time have not pooled,
only clogged up the passage-line.

Never look back, as the pain is in the past,
Can't look forward, because the past holds me back!
Living in the moment seems a tedious task.
So stagnant I'll remain until I'm back in the past...
Silly, silly repression has got my back!

Realise eachothers discipline

A heart is hidden so deep in sorrow, Lost in the burrows of hidden remorse, Invisible from the light of the torch, As only shadows can be seen for the most... But the light is at the end of this tunnel. Falling for your closest friend, There's only so long you'll pretend. You know if you say something, he'll only offend. I'm finally ready for my punishment to end. I understand now what I've done to those, Those who confided in me praised the rose, But here I am, falling in woe. Oh love slightly tragic, I don't want to let go. Is this real, or a fragment of my mind, Am I making the same mistake of being blind, I see the flaws, but I can not hide behind, These feelings that are real and oh so sublime. They do not make sense to me at all, A cognitive repulsion lead to this call, A weird backwards attraction, the one that made me fall, Through the sky, no longer able to crawl, One day there will be no need for that wall. Letting the healing progress, And what is more, You have somehow become the one I adore. So I guess finally, I shall say my farewell, You know I was never made for this hell, I'm destined for more than being fool to your spell. I'll meet you again in another realm, You'll just be yet another story to tell... Or better yet see you another year, When both of us become more "mature", I'm talking of course, of a self-love that is pure, If only this happens, then we'll be eachothers cure But for now, I'll follow knowledge of numbers and questions on the universe, I'll become more self-disciplined and focus on each verse, Structure my life away from the hearse, Meditation and discipline, must come first. Passion into study, focus of mind, Determination, realise that love is blind. Deeper understanding will be my find, The higher dimensions will assist from being left behind. For knowledge is what I wish to observe, Truth I wish to conserve. I believe that is what I deserve. A lonely Road yet it may be, But a place where my mind will be free. Blessed be.

Fear prevents growth

I feel the weight of the sky
and the heat of the moment,
this love will pass me by,
like the rushing of the river,

My heart will cry for that which is not good for me,
my gut will scream to leave for my highest intentions,
my brain will stay in naive curiosity,
 to see if what I know to be true is actually true,
In the meanwhile, my body will hunger for something new.

It all feels the same,
this addiction, that makes me insane,
this false light which saves me from the inane.
The impossible becomes possible when you put your heart on the line.
but it also opens a door to a kind of suffering that makes us blind.

You've got to take risks in life, to make it through alive.
To live avoiding risk is a life not worth living,
To live hiding from some of the most powerful emotions in the world,
can be quite a dull life.

I've lived with nothing and it does bring peace,
but living with something gives me a reason to loosen the leash,
There's so much to experience, so much to see, so much to hear.
I haven't even experienced a fraction of it yet.

Open your arms, trust the wind to hold you upright.
Glide with style, let the universe make you smile...
Remember this experience is all worth while.
Don't be afraid to go that extra mile.

Although these memories will just be another file.
Don't take things too seriously,
it's not worth the stress!

Don't be fooled!

Look at the world through different eyes,
Look behind the great disguise,
Break the mould and realise,
The beauty that lies behind.

We are infinite, yet oh so blinded by,
The evils of the world,
The constant lies,
We live in competition, ignoring the cries.

If we help each other out,
We let each other fly,
Help unclip our wings,
Let us all be high!

Let's not be drowned by the media distractions,
It's time we put our efforts into our actions,
If every action has an equal and opposite reaction,
Then there is a necessary evil which has to exist in this faction.

Living in the moment, shouldn't be so hard,
Why do we fixate on the good and the bad,
Just be, just live, let the good times be had.
Living for love, not living for some silly fad.

I'm ready to let go,
I'm ready to face the world anew.
Take me universe, into the sky,
take me to the next chapter of my life.

Infinite love and gratitude, I will not hide.

I trust the process.
I am realised.

Crystal clear.

People are like icicles dangling from a branch.

I feel like the branch, struggling to maintain my structural integrity just to keep them from falling, but they're gonna melt away eventually, anyway! So why waste my energy? All good things come to an end, all bad things come to an end. Everyone just has to walk their own path and be authentic.

I speak of authenticity in some of my poems, I write as if I know what I'm actually talking about. 

But the truth is I don't have a clue half the time. I'm very in tune with my emotions, but the truth is I spend so much time thinking into the emotions of others, processing those feelings, how they affect others, that I neglect myself. I can get something positive from them like for example, writing... which fuels me to do it more so, but I fail to actually approach my own emotional issues and hence deal with them in a very unhealthy way. The problem is I empathise so much with others because I feel I haven't got my own demons to contend with, I guess I get off on it that little bit. But, the truth is I do need to face my shadows. I'm human! no different to anyone else.

Maybe it's time for me to be that icicle on someone else's branch. I've always been afraid of making that trusting decision to just lean on others because I've convinced myself I don't need anyone and have made myself believe I am strong enough to help keep others on the right path... But if we all just focus on looking after ourselves and loving ourselves as much as we do one another, it is possible to expand and instead of just being one branch with icicles doomed to melt away eventually, we can all be strong branches, a part of one massive tree of life.

 I guess it's about zooming out once in a while and actually observing the bigger picture, but not only that, being able to zoom into that picture and notice the important things which keep the tree standing. We need to nurture that. Nobody else can do that for us better than we can ourselves. So maybe I don't need to be an icicle maybe I need to be a branch in the spring, nurturing itself, maintaining its structural integrity, but also connected to other parts of this tree, which once in a while may lend assistance when I need it, and if I get to that point where I'm fully sustained and looking after myself, then once in a while I'll have that energy spare to lend that helping hand. We all need to work together, but that doesn't mean sacrificing out lifeforce, it's about balance, as is everything in the life of a Libra! 

When I believe I am saying something from a good heart and coming from a place of understanding; I often end up adding to the issue because I haven't got the answer as much as I think I do sometimes. I am strong, yes. But I need to direct that strength to the right place! My heart, my head, my body, my soul. I need to stop feeding this consistent need to pick up other peoples pieces and start picking up my own pieces. One by one I can fit them together.  The analogy that comes to mind is that each piece is part of a jigsaw, but my skills are limited when it comes to fitting together pieces such as this, they're all funny four dimensional shapes, afterall! You can't expect a child to complete a 2D jigsaw they first few times they look at the pieces, it takes a while for them to understand what shapes fit where, and maybe even more importantly, what shapes don't fit there!

 If I piece together my being first, I will develop the necessary understanding of this kind of puzzle to help others piece themselves together. One thing is for certain, picking up random pieces and putting them in places where they seem to fit but in reality they don't actually fit, doesn't often help out. Of course, once in a while the probability of one piece actually fitting is there, but if I expect to consistently be that helping hand like I've always wanted to be I need to first recognise which pieces are meant to go where before poking my nose in like The Bodacious Bodach. [1]

I wrote this to order my thoughts. Reading over I can really see how muddled my head has been, but it's helped. So if by any chance ANYBODY reads this. Give it a try, writing down these thoughts, especially after you've had a deep chat with one of your closest friends, because it really can release a lot of confusion and frustration and set your head in the right place to slowly begin accomplishing you goals.

Thoughts

Head. Confused. Stressed. Lost.
Cloudy. Broken. Dazed.

What am I to do? I need help. I need support. I can't rely on others though.
Why would I?
People ruin everything.

People can take the truth and mould it. They may not even mean to, they just accidentally end up moulding it. What a mess.

People don't understand. It's why I'm afraid. Afraid to leave, afraid to confront.
But that fear is outweighed.
I'm also afraid to lose people. I can't trust anyone, but that doesn't stop me getting attached. No, if only it did.

I'm lost.

Help me.

Forgive me.

In a state of emotional disvalue right now.
It's difficult to eat.
Difficult to sleep.
Difficult to breath.
I feel sick to my stomach.
I just need some relief.
Need to be held.
Need to find peace.

My heart is aching,
My head is hurting,
Everything feels cold.
What have I done?
Why did I do it?
I wish I knew so I could explain it to you.
Not that you'd listen.

Please forgive me.
Please stay close.
I can't face losing you again.

Why does this hurt so much.
Please save me this pain.
I plead for forgiveness,
Only to be ignored.

Please.
Save me.
I beg of you.