The intensity from within

The emotions I'm feeling,
Of how I am dealing
This heart was once so closed off
Trusting was just never enough,
Look at me, I'm yours for the taking,
But of what I'm afraid of you breaking.
I can't handle these feelings no more,
Letting myself fall, what am I doing this for?
I want to run away but at the same time I can't hide,
Of all the times, this concept I've lied.
I never knew what it was to feel,
But now I know it's all too real.
Its intensity, in all forms, confusion a must, separated into pieces of bruises and trust. For now I see that my love was never enough, it was not true, it was not love, it WAS lust.

For love should not be as romanticised as it is, it's more than just the warm fuzzy from within... It's this mixture of feelings all scrambled in to one, it's creating a connection with someone of whose soul can not be won.
Its creating a bond far beyond this plane of existence,
It's breaking free of your own shackles and finding some persistence,
It's practicing patience and knowing the shadows of the self. Its not wanting to look at somebody else, not out of fear of upsetting the other person but just simply because you're not interested.

Wow, how intense is this feeling I have.

Coping mechanisms (12/16)

Denial, is the greatest tool.
The best way to lie to yourself!
Regression is SIMPLY UNCOOL and repression...
well... what good is that?
Humour, however, brings joy...
but not necessarily acceptance.
The sands of time have not pooled,
only clogged up the passage-line.

Never look back, as the pain is in the past,
Can't look forward, because the past holds me back!
Living in the moment seems a tedious task.
So stagnant I'll remain until I'm back in the past...
Silly, silly repression has got my back!

Change the story, Sadness is not needed

The demons jump up,
they start to scag my clothes, they leave me scarred, a broken mess on the floor,
They shake me and rattle me until I can't take no more,
But here I am, healing they say
and i seem to be gaining the patience and will to face each day

My poetry was once so negative,
change it around, make it so I face each day,
with a ray of light,
a dazzle of day
It will all be okay.

I will show everyone, I will prove myself wrong
Why look upon everything, without a little bird song,

Caught out

Not that it matters anyway,
but your heart is way ahead of your brains,
your actions are not what you think, they're what you feel;
ain't that so surreal?
Stumbling from place to place,
Forgetting to check the makeup all over your face,
this, you can't replace,
everything might be at stake,
your dreams unheard of,
hidden in the fogs of broken dreams,
trying to discover what this all means;
Nothing is truly ever as it seems,
but I guess you manifest your reality,
and if you want it shallow and mean,
you'll never discover what it all really means...

And so he'll keep looking curiously intrigued,
by what he perceives to be me.

Fear prevents growth

I feel the weight of the sky
and the heat of the moment,
this love will pass me by,
like the rushing of the river,

My heart will cry for that which is not good for me,
my gut will scream to leave for my highest intentions,
my brain will stay in naive curiosity,
 to see if what I know to be true is actually true,
In the meanwhile, my body will hunger for something new.

It all feels the same,
this addiction, that makes me insane,
this false light which saves me from the inane.
The impossible becomes possible when you put your heart on the line.
but it also opens a door to a kind of suffering that makes us blind.

You've got to take risks in life, to make it through alive.
To live avoiding risk is a life not worth living,
To live hiding from some of the most powerful emotions in the world,
can be quite a dull life.

I've lived with nothing and it does bring peace,
but living with something gives me a reason to loosen the leash,
There's so much to experience, so much to see, so much to hear.
I haven't even experienced a fraction of it yet.

Open your arms, trust the wind to hold you upright.
Glide with style, let the universe make you smile...
Remember this experience is all worth while.
Don't be afraid to go that extra mile.

Although these memories will just be another file.
Don't take things too seriously,
it's not worth the stress!

Forgive me.

In a state of emotional disvalue right now.
It's difficult to eat.
Difficult to sleep.
Difficult to breath.
I feel sick to my stomach.
I just need some relief.
Need to be held.
Need to find peace.

My heart is aching,
My head is hurting,
Everything feels cold.
What have I done?
Why did I do it?
I wish I knew so I could explain it to you.
Not that you'd listen.

Please forgive me.
Please stay close.
I can't face losing you again.

Why does this hurt so much.
Please save me this pain.
I plead for forgiveness,
Only to be ignored.

Please.
Save me.
I beg of you.