Fuck you humanity.

Dear humanity,

Fuck you humanity for being lead by your greed and your impatience and your lack of compassion, not just for your fellow humans but for the other beings living on this planet and for the planet itself,
Fuck you for being a plague on our home,
Fuck you for taking and taking over and over again and never giving back,
Fuck you for brainwashing our citizens so much that they can't even fucking see what has gone on,
Fuck you for dulling down the populations so much that nobody can fucking think for themselves anymore and barely anyone seems to truly understand the impact we have on the world around us.
Fuck you for your stupid monetary investments into "making the world a better place" while all the while further destroying our beautiful globe of light and life,
Fuck you for continuing the lust for power and for bombing and killing loads and loads of people just for oil and again monetary gain,
Fuck you for trying to convince us all there's nothing to worry about when there really is,
Fuck you for pushing so many into spiraling depression so that we are so deep in our personal hell that we are too weak to do anything about it
Fuck you for preaching a world of love while all the while deceiving everyone.
Fuck you for being human. Fuck you for being lead by mundane temptations. Fuck you for giving people the "illusion of power" while all the while further distracting them so that they can't actually do anything with that power.
Fuck you humanity for being so fucking weak and just letting these sins run wild.
Fuck you humanity, you selfish selfish beings.

Fuck me for not being able to do anything but write this stupid fucking piece in hopes that I'm not the only fucking 10 headed alien on this planet who actually fucking gives a shit and fucking sees that something needs to change, and although i agree we all need to do our internal bit, I have to ask when does thought become action? Because thinking and contemplating the possibility of change is no good if none of us are willing to put those thoughts into action and actually make a sodding fucking difference.

Fuck you, humanity! Fuck you.

We all have a choice

This karmic cycle must finally end,

If we stay, we stay till the end,

if you break it, I won't pretend,

my self-worth lies through this gate,

my presence and love, don't you underestimate.

I love you dearly, I see the divine within,

But I also see your demonic kin,

I believe we all have the capacity for good and bad,

so remember this when decisions are to be had.

I respect you and look up to you...
but you have to stop playing the fool.

You know I see right through?
Stop acting like a tool!
You are old enough and wise enough to end this childish rue!

Some things you can't undo.

But don't worry I'll make it through without you...

Fear prevents growth

I feel the weight of the sky
and the heat of the moment,
this love will pass me by,
like the rushing of the river,

My heart will cry for that which is not good for me,
my gut will scream to leave for my highest intentions,
my brain will stay in naive curiosity,
 to see if what I know to be true is actually true,
In the meanwhile, my body will hunger for something new.

It all feels the same,
this addiction, that makes me insane,
this false light which saves me from the inane.
The impossible becomes possible when you put your heart on the line.
but it also opens a door to a kind of suffering that makes us blind.

You've got to take risks in life, to make it through alive.
To live avoiding risk is a life not worth living,
To live hiding from some of the most powerful emotions in the world,
can be quite a dull life.

I've lived with nothing and it does bring peace,
but living with something gives me a reason to loosen the leash,
There's so much to experience, so much to see, so much to hear.
I haven't even experienced a fraction of it yet.

Open your arms, trust the wind to hold you upright.
Glide with style, let the universe make you smile...
Remember this experience is all worth while.
Don't be afraid to go that extra mile.

Although these memories will just be another file.
Don't take things too seriously,
it's not worth the stress!

Crystal clear.

People are like icicles dangling from a branch.

I feel like the branch, struggling to maintain my structural integrity just to keep them from falling, but they're gonna melt away eventually, anyway! So why waste my energy? All good things come to an end, all bad things come to an end. Everyone just has to walk their own path and be authentic.

I speak of authenticity in some of my poems, I write as if I know what I'm actually talking about. 

But the truth is I don't have a clue half the time. I'm very in tune with my emotions, but the truth is I spend so much time thinking into the emotions of others, processing those feelings, how they affect others, that I neglect myself. I can get something positive from them like for example, writing... which fuels me to do it more so, but I fail to actually approach my own emotional issues and hence deal with them in a very unhealthy way. The problem is I empathise so much with others because I feel I haven't got my own demons to contend with, I guess I get off on it that little bit. But, the truth is I do need to face my shadows. I'm human! no different to anyone else.

Maybe it's time for me to be that icicle on someone else's branch. I've always been afraid of making that trusting decision to just lean on others because I've convinced myself I don't need anyone and have made myself believe I am strong enough to help keep others on the right path... But if we all just focus on looking after ourselves and loving ourselves as much as we do one another, it is possible to expand and instead of just being one branch with icicles doomed to melt away eventually, we can all be strong branches, a part of one massive tree of life.

 I guess it's about zooming out once in a while and actually observing the bigger picture, but not only that, being able to zoom into that picture and notice the important things which keep the tree standing. We need to nurture that. Nobody else can do that for us better than we can ourselves. So maybe I don't need to be an icicle maybe I need to be a branch in the spring, nurturing itself, maintaining its structural integrity, but also connected to other parts of this tree, which once in a while may lend assistance when I need it, and if I get to that point where I'm fully sustained and looking after myself, then once in a while I'll have that energy spare to lend that helping hand. We all need to work together, but that doesn't mean sacrificing out lifeforce, it's about balance, as is everything in the life of a Libra! 

When I believe I am saying something from a good heart and coming from a place of understanding; I often end up adding to the issue because I haven't got the answer as much as I think I do sometimes. I am strong, yes. But I need to direct that strength to the right place! My heart, my head, my body, my soul. I need to stop feeding this consistent need to pick up other peoples pieces and start picking up my own pieces. One by one I can fit them together.  The analogy that comes to mind is that each piece is part of a jigsaw, but my skills are limited when it comes to fitting together pieces such as this, they're all funny four dimensional shapes, afterall! You can't expect a child to complete a 2D jigsaw they first few times they look at the pieces, it takes a while for them to understand what shapes fit where, and maybe even more importantly, what shapes don't fit there!

 If I piece together my being first, I will develop the necessary understanding of this kind of puzzle to help others piece themselves together. One thing is for certain, picking up random pieces and putting them in places where they seem to fit but in reality they don't actually fit, doesn't often help out. Of course, once in a while the probability of one piece actually fitting is there, but if I expect to consistently be that helping hand like I've always wanted to be I need to first recognise which pieces are meant to go where before poking my nose in like The Bodacious Bodach. [1]

I wrote this to order my thoughts. Reading over I can really see how muddled my head has been, but it's helped. So if by any chance ANYBODY reads this. Give it a try, writing down these thoughts, especially after you've had a deep chat with one of your closest friends, because it really can release a lot of confusion and frustration and set your head in the right place to slowly begin accomplishing you goals.

Thoughts

Head. Confused. Stressed. Lost.
Cloudy. Broken. Dazed.

What am I to do? I need help. I need support. I can't rely on others though.
Why would I?
People ruin everything.

People can take the truth and mould it. They may not even mean to, they just accidentally end up moulding it. What a mess.

People don't understand. It's why I'm afraid. Afraid to leave, afraid to confront.
But that fear is outweighed.
I'm also afraid to lose people. I can't trust anyone, but that doesn't stop me getting attached. No, if only it did.

I'm lost.

Help me.