I find it interesting that everyone has different love to offer people. Some people do big lavish things to show they care while others it's about the little things, some people can only vibrate at a loving frequency and be there for people when they need it and some people hold back on being too clingy in order to show their love. Some people are somewhat overbearing in their love and they give too much and just end up going drained just to love others.
Everyone is different, everyone looks at things differently and honestly it's good to zoom out once in a while.

But at the same time, you can only give love to people in the way that is right for you. Genuine love in my mind is very different to attached love.

Often I find that the people I care most about I stay away from because I don't want to effect their lives too much. I believe . I know I can be hard work and I know that I should work myself out because I don't actually want to be a burden to anyone.

At times I look at the world around me and I get so insecure and scared because it sometimes seems people are only out for themselves, people always want something from others.
I guess this is why I don't like to ask much of people, I just want people to be themselves and to make the most of their lives. In the same way I want that very same freedom myself so that is why the love I give to people is so distant. I love by not wanting, I love by basically just accepting who and what people are and what it is they have to give.

The hardest part about being this way is that people dont actually take the time to understand, I don't think like them at all. I don't act like them. It's actually quite lonely to be this way. And it's upset people that I'm like this and to them it's just as simple as I don't act like i care so I simple must not. But honestly I do care, I just have my own way of showing it. Yes I could change the way I am, but what ends up happening is I give too much to people and end up neglecting myself.

Be free

Sealed and bound by desire
Afloat in this misrepresentation of reality
Swimming within the realms of the crystalline structures
I'm not bothered anymore
I don't mind and it doesn't matter
But this is freeing a view
Unchained I shall be for the chains are illusory. Cast them aside, the blind will no longer be lead by the blind for the awakening is on my side, no time to hide behind those lies, be strong like the warrior, balanced and just, face your foes with strength and face against the demons of mistrust
Freeing is this feeling
Leaving you to your devices, leaving you to your chains. You may be chastised in your ways but realism remains.
I can not control the actions of others, nor would I wish to. I wish only for strength and power within myself so let it be so.

The Origami of Life

The pixie that danced, left me in a trance.
This road we walk, untravelled by most...
Under this cavern of hidden memories lies a soul of woe and creative dis-ease.
For life unlived, can leave a sense of displeasure,
Grafting satisfaction,
Covering up the treasure,
Lonely is the path you walk and many will wonder why you followed those folk...
Only we can know what is to unfold...
The origami of life allows the uncovering of the gold soul.
So measure out the board with pleasure and fold each corner, uncover the ancient ways of living and being.... Open the chest and see the crystals of life.
To understand would be a pleasure
But what is more, is the connection we'd all adore....
You have shown me exactly what it is we're all searching for.
I will remain honoured, even if you choose to let go....
It is so.

Sweet release

Filled with salty regret
And twisted by weighted shame
Pinned down by deep entangled rage,
Guilt... I am to blame...
Frozen by indecision
Always pointing in opposite directions
Equal pull on either side,
Nowhere to go, just remained stationary...
I've been stuck her for so long,
It's time something gave in.

Release, I desire,
From the chains of curses
I know that fear holds me back,
Not fear for me but fear for them,
But sinless, I won't look back...

Oh weighted shame, you've grown so heavy on my back
You give me aches that I can't stretch out,
My face turns purple under this pressure,
It does not serve me,
Let go of you I shall,
Shameful I will be no more,
Its the only way I can soar...

Salty regret, I look back at you,
I counter your salty taste with the sweetness of honey,
For regret doesn't have to be this way,
If I look back? What can I change?

Deep entangled rage,
Won't you show your face?
Lets talk it out and work together to get out of this place,
Fire, fuel me, free me from your wrath,
I control, I am your master at long last.

Guilt, oh dearest guilt,
You leave me crippled and afraid to make a sound,
But it's not possible to progress while you're around,
I forgive myself, I free myself,
Because I have come to understand that I must drop you dearest guilt in order to walk through this door.

And finally, Indecision... My good friend indecision...
Should I stay or should I go?
I've been contemplating this sign for hours and I've gotten nowhere,
Wouldn't you know?
Left, right, straight ahead or maybe turn around?
I failed to pick a direction because I fear being hell bound...
But the true hell is here... Just stood confused looking at these signs
With no clue of where to go or what to do.
Well no more shall this be the case,
I'm making the decision to decide,
So onwards I must go..
Fairwell dear indecision, I hope you find the way,
I'm done here now,

Why be afraid? Why keep holding yourself back?
Why not face it with honour and stare right into the black.
I'm not afraid anymore and I'm sure it's plain to see that the only thing I really fear is not meeting up to my standards of me!
So fear, this is what I'll do.
I'll look you straight in the eye
And proudly exclaim

Fuck you!

And forward I will go.

Fuck you humanity.

Dear humanity,

Fuck you humanity for being lead by your greed and your impatience and your lack of compassion, not just for your fellow humans but for the other beings living on this planet and for the planet itself,
Fuck you for being a plague on our home,
Fuck you for taking and taking over and over again and never giving back,
Fuck you for brainwashing our citizens so much that they can't even fucking see what has gone on,
Fuck you for dulling down the populations so much that nobody can fucking think for themselves anymore and barely anyone seems to truly understand the impact we have on the world around us.
Fuck you for your stupid monetary investments into "making the world a better place" while all the while further destroying our beautiful globe of light and life,
Fuck you for continuing the lust for power and for bombing and killing loads and loads of people just for oil and again monetary gain,
Fuck you for trying to convince us all there's nothing to worry about when there really is,
Fuck you for pushing so many into spiraling depression so that we are so deep in our personal hell that we are too weak to do anything about it
Fuck you for preaching a world of love while all the while deceiving everyone.
Fuck you for being human. Fuck you for being lead by mundane temptations. Fuck you for giving people the "illusion of power" while all the while further distracting them so that they can't actually do anything with that power.
Fuck you humanity for being so fucking weak and just letting these sins run wild.
Fuck you humanity, you selfish selfish beings.

Fuck me for not being able to do anything but write this stupid fucking piece in hopes that I'm not the only fucking 10 headed alien on this planet who actually fucking gives a shit and fucking sees that something needs to change, and although i agree we all need to do our internal bit, I have to ask when does thought become action? Because thinking and contemplating the possibility of change is no good if none of us are willing to put those thoughts into action and actually make a sodding fucking difference.

Fuck you, humanity! Fuck you.

What does it all actually boil down to?

Life, Death

Constant motion

Breathe in and release

For what lives must die

What goes up must come down 

And I guess in some senses

What goes down must go up

Where there is life there is death

Where there is mourning

There is celebration

What is the point of life 

If we simply exist just to die 

This doesn't make sense

Do we simply live these conscious lives only for there to be pitch blackness in the end

No it can't be that simple

Maybe it is?

Maybe it isn't?

Why learn all these lessons if they aren't eventually accessed anyway

What is the point of it all?

Is there meaning?

Does there have to be?

We create connections, we learn from each other

And eventually, we learn to let go

What's it all for?

We can't be too attached to this material world

We're here for a good time not a long time

Is existence just an experience to enjoy

Is there much point learning?

Maybe it should just be experienced and that's it

Existence is so peculiar...

What is the point?