Fear of letting go

My head feels heavy,
My mouth feels dry
I don't know what I'm writing because I'm high
I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it
I  don't even know if this is it
In scared to change but scared to stay the same
I'm feeling insane, in a world so inane
I've repeated a routine that feels almost mundane
And I need to get out before I cut off my brain
I want to be free but I can't reap the truth
I stay in line because it keeps me aloof
It is the case that I can't see
I just don't know what I should be

Or how I should open up to the imaginary
Without losing grip of reality

Every good connection I've ever had
Has been wasted because I've had my eyes set on some other lad

Ain't that stupidly bad?

Aren't I living an idiotic fad

To be a musician that would be rad,
To be a psychologist with a curious head
To create truth maps using maths implying red
And that's how you can see she's run out of things she could have said.

Fuck being dead in a world full of zombies.
Take me now and save me the release. I'm hurting inside but I don't like to feel as I'm worried it'll hurt more than hot coal on my feet.

Life illusions

What if this is all an illusion

What if I'm actually sat in a mental asylum, just sat in the corner rocking back and forth, stuck in my own little reality, where everyone isn't actually who they actually are?

What if I'm in a mental asylum, repeating my life before I got put in the mental asylum, In my head? This saying that I'll never actually know the truth, until I die.

What if I'm just a figment of someone else's imagination? What if I don't even exist and somebody else is just playing through my life in their head, as their own reality would be too messed up to think of, so they created a different character?

What if....?