We all have a choice

This karmic cycle must finally end,

If we stay, we stay till the end,

if you break it, I won't pretend,

my self-worth lies through this gate,

my presence and love, don't you underestimate.

I love you dearly, I see the divine within,

But I also see your demonic kin,

I believe we all have the capacity for good and bad,

so remember this when decisions are to be had.

I respect you and look up to you...
but you have to stop playing the fool.

You know I see right through?
Stop acting like a tool!
You are old enough and wise enough to end this childish rue!

Some things you can't undo.

But don't worry I'll make it through without you...

The intensity from within

The emotions I'm feeling,
Of how I am dealing
This heart was once so closed off
Trusting was just never enough,
Look at me, I'm yours for the taking,
But of what I'm afraid of you breaking.
I can't handle these feelings no more,
Letting myself fall, what am I doing this for?
I want to run away but at the same time I can't hide,
Of all the times, this concept I've lied.
I never knew what it was to feel,
But now I know it's all too real.
Its intensity, in all forms, confusion a must, separated into pieces of bruises and trust. For now I see that my love was never enough, it was not true, it was not love, it WAS lust.

For love should not be as romanticised as it is, it's more than just the warm fuzzy from within... It's this mixture of feelings all scrambled in to one, it's creating a connection with someone of whose soul can not be won.
Its creating a bond far beyond this plane of existence,
It's breaking free of your own shackles and finding some persistence,
It's practicing patience and knowing the shadows of the self. Its not wanting to look at somebody else, not out of fear of upsetting the other person but just simply because you're not interested.

Wow, how intense is this feeling I have.

Leap of faith!

Nervous and giggly,
Gearing up...

Safety information explained;
Do the banana boat out of the plane!
The beginning is in sight,
For which I won't fight, this feeling of flight;
The wind in all it's might,
Falling through the air in broad daylight,
Traveling at terminal velocity, passion.. ignite!

Absolutely TERRIFIED for the ending in sight!

It all sounds pretty easy mind!

It's what you do that counts!

It's not who you are,
It's what you do,
It's how you make your mind up too,
It's saying what rings as true,
And accepting what you can't undo.

But life goes on anyway,
You cannot reverse to make a change,
Your life is worth living everyday,
Everything is going to be okay.

Live as every moment counts,
It'd be unfair to let yourself down,
Give yourself the love you seek now,
If what you believe is what you see,
Then please have faith in generosity,
Treat yourself and others compassionately,
Only then will you be free.

Coping mechanisms (12/16)

Denial, is the greatest tool.
The best way to lie to yourself!
Regression is SIMPLY UNCOOL and repression...
well... what good is that?
Humour, however, brings joy...
but not necessarily acceptance.
The sands of time have not pooled,
only clogged up the passage-line.

Never look back, as the pain is in the past,
Can't look forward, because the past holds me back!
Living in the moment seems a tedious task.
So stagnant I'll remain until I'm back in the past...
Silly, silly repression has got my back!

Caught out

Not that it matters anyway,
but your heart is way ahead of your brains,
your actions are not what you think, they're what you feel;
ain't that so surreal?
Stumbling from place to place,
Forgetting to check the makeup all over your face,
this, you can't replace,
everything might be at stake,
your dreams unheard of,
hidden in the fogs of broken dreams,
trying to discover what this all means;
Nothing is truly ever as it seems,
but I guess you manifest your reality,
and if you want it shallow and mean,
you'll never discover what it all really means...

And so he'll keep looking curiously intrigued,
by what he perceives to be me.

Fear of letting go

My head feels heavy,
My mouth feels dry
I don't know what I'm writing because I'm high
I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it
I  don't even know if this is it
In scared to change but scared to stay the same
I'm feeling insane, in a world so inane
I've repeated a routine that feels almost mundane
And I need to get out before I cut off my brain
I want to be free but I can't reap the truth
I stay in line because it keeps me aloof
It is the case that I can't see
I just don't know what I should be

Or how I should open up to the imaginary
Without losing grip of reality

Every good connection I've ever had
Has been wasted because I've had my eyes set on some other lad

Ain't that stupidly bad?

Aren't I living an idiotic fad

To be a musician that would be rad,
To be a psychologist with a curious head
To create truth maps using maths implying red
And that's how you can see she's run out of things she could have said.

Fuck being dead in a world full of zombies.
Take me now and save me the release. I'm hurting inside but I don't like to feel as I'm worried it'll hurt more than hot coal on my feet.

Fear prevents growth

I feel the weight of the sky
and the heat of the moment,
this love will pass me by,
like the rushing of the river,

My heart will cry for that which is not good for me,
my gut will scream to leave for my highest intentions,
my brain will stay in naive curiosity,
 to see if what I know to be true is actually true,
In the meanwhile, my body will hunger for something new.

It all feels the same,
this addiction, that makes me insane,
this false light which saves me from the inane.
The impossible becomes possible when you put your heart on the line.
but it also opens a door to a kind of suffering that makes us blind.

You've got to take risks in life, to make it through alive.
To live avoiding risk is a life not worth living,
To live hiding from some of the most powerful emotions in the world,
can be quite a dull life.

I've lived with nothing and it does bring peace,
but living with something gives me a reason to loosen the leash,
There's so much to experience, so much to see, so much to hear.
I haven't even experienced a fraction of it yet.

Open your arms, trust the wind to hold you upright.
Glide with style, let the universe make you smile...
Remember this experience is all worth while.
Don't be afraid to go that extra mile.

Although these memories will just be another file.
Don't take things too seriously,
it's not worth the stress!

Thoughts

Head. Confused. Stressed. Lost.
Cloudy. Broken. Dazed.

What am I to do? I need help. I need support. I can't rely on others though.
Why would I?
People ruin everything.

People can take the truth and mould it. They may not even mean to, they just accidentally end up moulding it. What a mess.

People don't understand. It's why I'm afraid. Afraid to leave, afraid to confront.
But that fear is outweighed.
I'm also afraid to lose people. I can't trust anyone, but that doesn't stop me getting attached. No, if only it did.

I'm lost.

Help me.

Serpent

My eyes are open, yet I cannot see
Everything is clouded over
My sight is cloudy,
It's all misted over, portraying my mind
In front of me it's hazy, but I'm not blind

I don't know what to expect,
From the python that flows around my mind, biting at the wires, causing some to intertwine

Yes that's all this is,
Something is destroying me,
It's all out of my control,
This is depravity

All of a sudden I'm okay to do what I know is wrong,
I'm not bothered,
I haven't any morals,
Although this shouldn't last long

This serpent from within has broken the ties
I no longer know wrong from right,
Or do I?
Maybe I just don't care.
Maybe everything I do is justifiable,
I'd like to claim that I'm unaware,
But I'm really not
This is all a lie

After the damage is done,
The python returns,
It weaves itself, it fixes the wires,
My vision gets hazy again,
But I want it that way,
It's my last stretch of humanity
I know so long as I can't see,
Everyone is okay,
They're safe from me.

This is what happens when I lose my sight
It's not something I can simply solve with a lense,
It's not something I can easily fight,
It's just the way reality bends,
When this souleating serpent, engulfs the light.

Lust

I think I'm falling in love with you.
But I'd rather fall in lust,

Give me pleasure, without the pain,
Give me closeness, without the trust,
Give me breathtaking, without the beauty,
Give me enjoyment without wasting time!
Give me everything you've got,
Without having to make you mine.

Feel the vital kiss,
With a mouth as smooth as oil,
Feel your body ripple,
With a pleasure that shall not spoil,
Feel the intense nature,
Through a single glance of skin,
Feel your whole mind fill with intensity,
As lust slowly enters in.

Let the animal devour you,
As your want becomes your need,
Let it destroy the morals inside you,
Until you're let loose and you're freed,
Of every tie you've ever been given,
Of everything you've known as wrong,
Now there's a point of living,
If you would just play along.

...still won't you just stay a while?
Can we just stay real close?
Talk to me, it makes me smile,
I like you more than most,
I do adore the pleasure,
But what follows, unthought of, is pain,
As I realise through this awful scene,
That you'll never be mine to gain.

If to 'thine own self be true ',
was the truest quote ever said,
Then you can forget the lust,
Just give me true love instead

Forgive me.

In a state of emotional disvalue right now.
It's difficult to eat.
Difficult to sleep.
Difficult to breath.
I feel sick to my stomach.
I just need some relief.
Need to be held.
Need to find peace.

My heart is aching,
My head is hurting,
Everything feels cold.
What have I done?
Why did I do it?
I wish I knew so I could explain it to you.
Not that you'd listen.

Please forgive me.
Please stay close.
I can't face losing you again.

Why does this hurt so much.
Please save me this pain.
I plead for forgiveness,
Only to be ignored.

Please.
Save me.
I beg of you.

what is love?

What is love? 

But a figment of the imagination

A simple, yet complex feeling of affection

Love is a word commonly misconstrued, its meaning is lost

In different tales, lost in the past, Hidden away and only some are fortunate enough to find it

It’s funny how all we hear about, is the miracle of “love”, When all it seems to bring is hopelessness, It brings nothing but pain

The heart is truly delicate, so easy to break yet so strong at the same time

What does it mean to be “in love”?

Is it just a chemical reaction that eventually stabilises?

Or does it go far deeper than that?

So many questions, Only a lifetime to find the answers

Answers that you may not really want

Is it better to just avoid Love? Or should we embrace it?

Should we search for Love? Or will it find us?

Only time will tell

But oh, we want it so badly,

We spend our lives hoping, praying that we eventually find it

Even though we don’t know what it is,

We’re scared to die alone, Afraid of never being loved by the one we grow to adore

This is my quest; I’m not going to give up,

Life’s a sweet adventure, conflicting pain and sorrow

But we don’t realise that there’s more,

How are we to forget Pandora’s Box? There’s always hope, Hope that happiness, Joy, perfection and Love will all be obtained

So there’s no reason to give up

I will find the answer to my question

What is love?