Je t'aime! J'adore! 😂

Behind the jealousy and anxiety hidden inside,
There lies this feeling, hard to hide,
For deep in the burrows of my soul,
Lies a story that remains untold,
For the contract we made together in the last life, is still to unfold.
We made a deal, a vow to live,
to do what's right, my heart I give

Connected by that red thread that ties our souls together.
If you want that contract broken let me know
For I'm the only one who can let go.
I forgive you my dear, for all previous woe.
Just know you can choose a different game to unfold.
I will be my light and give you compassion and caring,  I will break down now and again but I will keep my barings

Remember this, for I fly like the dove,
Bringing harmony to all, from up above.
I guess it's just down to you now!

Take a chance on....

It's what you do that counts!

It's not who you are,
It's what you do,
It's how you make your mind up too,
It's saying what rings as true,
And accepting what you can't undo.

But life goes on anyway,
You cannot reverse to make a change,
Your life is worth living everyday,
Everything is going to be okay.

Live as every moment counts,
It'd be unfair to let yourself down,
Give yourself the love you seek now,
If what you believe is what you see,
Then please have faith in generosity,
Treat yourself and others compassionately,
Only then will you be free.

Caught out

Not that it matters anyway,
but your heart is way ahead of your brains,
your actions are not what you think, they're what you feel;
ain't that so surreal?
Stumbling from place to place,
Forgetting to check the makeup all over your face,
this, you can't replace,
everything might be at stake,
your dreams unheard of,
hidden in the fogs of broken dreams,
trying to discover what this all means;
Nothing is truly ever as it seems,
but I guess you manifest your reality,
and if you want it shallow and mean,
you'll never discover what it all really means...

And so he'll keep looking curiously intrigued,
by what he perceives to be me.

Don't be fooled!

Look at the world through different eyes,
Look behind the great disguise,
Break the mould and realise,
The beauty that lies behind.

We are infinite, yet oh so blinded by,
The evils of the world,
The constant lies,
We live in competition, ignoring the cries.

If we help each other out,
We let each other fly,
Help unclip our wings,
Let us all be high!

Let's not be drowned by the media distractions,
It's time we put our efforts into our actions,
If every action has an equal and opposite reaction,
Then there is a necessary evil which has to exist in this faction.

Living in the moment, shouldn't be so hard,
Why do we fixate on the good and the bad,
Just be, just live, let the good times be had.
Living for love, not living for some silly fad.

I'm ready to let go,
I'm ready to face the world anew.
Take me universe, into the sky,
take me to the next chapter of my life.

Infinite love and gratitude, I will not hide.

I trust the process.
I am realised.

Egoic Embellishment

The self, the 'I' we like to show. The untrue self.

We create our stories,

of peace and solitude,

We mask our flaws...

With untruth, so carefully brewed.

We shine our false light,

on everything we do,

Only to realise we've masked

what's actually true.

We play our games, 

our ego is soothed,

We make our claims,

... a selfish rue.

What's to be gained?

It's up to you...

But I won't be the one to queue.

Listen closely, at the stories I tell,

Don't look beyond,

all you'll find is hell.

I didn't want anyone to see,

How the cogs work,

How my human nature,

Made me lurk.

'I'm so ugly', to which you respond 'no you're not'

'I'm so stupid' to which you respond, 'You don't realise your own intelligence'

I did not believe these things, not consciously at least,

but delving into my subconscious, I have found some release.

It turns out I am a sadist, a narcissist in disguise,

I tell the truth through my selfish lies.

You feed my ego, add to my pride,

but the evil that lurks behind these eyes is mine to hide.

I do not need your help anymore,

I've finally realised why I do what I adore,

It's not out of any disrespect,

it's shame... an ego left derelict.

So in comes ego number two,

The one that laughs and smiles at you...

The one that could never hurt or misuse you, 

don't worry she lies to herself too. 

I suppose when the actual light shines through,

It's not so unbelievable, the ego hides it, until it can't be hidden anymore.

Stop adding to the falsity that is 'I'.

It does not need to be another lie.

Be authentic, don't be afraid to cry,

When you find that light you can share it, 

but first, you need to recognise that false light and capture it,

let it grow, nurture it. 

Don't push it back and create a new personality,

because everytime you do that, you push the truth further away. 

Authenticity is a scarcity, 

Dare to venture?

The gates of change have opened,
The pull to the unknown is true,
I'll have to keep my wits about me,
If I'm to make my dreams come out of the blue.

It appears to be a rocky road,
But everybody is afraid of the unknown,
Face the future with my satchel over my shoulder,
Play the fool and face the world alone.

I've been so sensible for so long,
I've not listened to my hearts plea,
for freedom and understanding,
for happiness and glee.

I've made excuse after excuse,
but the truth is I've been living for others,
I've made decisions against my soul,
just to prove my worth to countless lovers

because I've dealt with constant disappointment from those at home,
I've cared so much of others thoughts,
so much so, I've neglected my own!

Only to end up in the same position,
of discontent and misery,
I'm not saying it's justifiable, but it is what I've begun to see.

Not realising that what I've needed is to explore my inner child

Make a stand for my soul
this is my indefinite goal.
Find my light and let it grow,
let it show me how to be whole.

I am me. I am a force for good.
This individual has much to do.
My work has not begun yet,
and can't be until I'm through,

So save me all your concern,
Let me walk this road, discerned.
Let me make my mistakes and learn.
Let my fire burn.

Before it is too late.

Walk away from consistent consequential behaviour.

Pushing away may seem like the actions of a selfish man,
A person who quite easily can't see his fingers from his hands.

An inner child who is only now learning how to crawl,
It's taken some time and some people to go through it all.

Self-control... easy to maintain if you're on your own.
Hard to sustain when you can't trust yourself, when you don't know yourself..
I guess I've got to walk this road alone.

I'd love to give you the reins like I did before,
consistently following, I don't need my control.

But I do, inevitably, need to get past the crawl...

Those affected... I can only show remorse...
The feeling is there but yet I can't help but lose it all..
I disconnect, I re-elect... I deject.
What have I been doing all this for?

For fuck sake Shannon, it's taken 8 years of this insane behaviour
It's about time you thought to save ya... Constantly justifying the same wager.
Juggling hearts as if it's your major.

When enough is enough, you need to obey her. She needs respect and self-love.. don't delay her...
Your higher-self stays in a different layer, especially if you can't overcome what makes you stay here.


Look I'm not asking you to stay detached, to stop the quest for love, not lust.
I'm asking you to respect what god gave you and let that magic shine through
like a UV light shows invisible ink! Your fingerprints...

The premise of your being, past your mind, your body.
Your soul needs the nourishment, just like everybody...

Just plant the seeds for your future.
Be patient to see them bloom and appear.
That will be your remedy, this will be your cure

So I refer back to the man that walked away,
was he being selfish or selfless?
Selfish for leaving the important things behind or selfless for seeing the damage he'd cause by sticking around

basically just attempting to avoid that pain and suffering... past his own disdain.

Thoughts

Head. Confused. Stressed. Lost.
Cloudy. Broken. Dazed.

What am I to do? I need help. I need support. I can't rely on others though.
Why would I?
People ruin everything.

People can take the truth and mould it. They may not even mean to, they just accidentally end up moulding it. What a mess.

People don't understand. It's why I'm afraid. Afraid to leave, afraid to confront.
But that fear is outweighed.
I'm also afraid to lose people. I can't trust anyone, but that doesn't stop me getting attached. No, if only it did.

I'm lost.

Help me.

Life illusions

What if this is all an illusion

What if I'm actually sat in a mental asylum, just sat in the corner rocking back and forth, stuck in my own little reality, where everyone isn't actually who they actually are?

What if I'm in a mental asylum, repeating my life before I got put in the mental asylum, In my head? This saying that I'll never actually know the truth, until I die.

What if I'm just a figment of someone else's imagination? What if I don't even exist and somebody else is just playing through my life in their head, as their own reality would be too messed up to think of, so they created a different character?

What if....?