The intensity from within

The emotions I'm feeling,
Of how I am dealing
This heart was once so closed off
Trusting was just never enough,
Look at me, I'm yours for the taking,
But of what I'm afraid of you breaking.
I can't handle these feelings no more,
Letting myself fall, what am I doing this for?
I want to run away but at the same time I can't hide,
Of all the times, this concept I've lied.
I never knew what it was to feel,
But now I know it's all too real.
Its intensity, in all forms, confusion a must, separated into pieces of bruises and trust. For now I see that my love was never enough, it was not true, it was not love, it WAS lust.

For love should not be as romanticised as it is, it's more than just the warm fuzzy from within... It's this mixture of feelings all scrambled in to one, it's creating a connection with someone of whose soul can not be won.
Its creating a bond far beyond this plane of existence,
It's breaking free of your own shackles and finding some persistence,
It's practicing patience and knowing the shadows of the self. Its not wanting to look at somebody else, not out of fear of upsetting the other person but just simply because you're not interested.

Wow, how intense is this feeling I have.

It's what you do that counts!

It's not who you are,
It's what you do,
It's how you make your mind up too,
It's saying what rings as true,
And accepting what you can't undo.

But life goes on anyway,
You cannot reverse to make a change,
Your life is worth living everyday,
Everything is going to be okay.

Live as every moment counts,
It'd be unfair to let yourself down,
Give yourself the love you seek now,
If what you believe is what you see,
Then please have faith in generosity,
Treat yourself and others compassionately,
Only then will you be free.

Caught out

Not that it matters anyway,
but your heart is way ahead of your brains,
your actions are not what you think, they're what you feel;
ain't that so surreal?
Stumbling from place to place,
Forgetting to check the makeup all over your face,
this, you can't replace,
everything might be at stake,
your dreams unheard of,
hidden in the fogs of broken dreams,
trying to discover what this all means;
Nothing is truly ever as it seems,
but I guess you manifest your reality,
and if you want it shallow and mean,
you'll never discover what it all really means...

And so he'll keep looking curiously intrigued,
by what he perceives to be me.

Fear of letting go

My head feels heavy,
My mouth feels dry
I don't know what I'm writing because I'm high
I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it
I  don't even know if this is it
In scared to change but scared to stay the same
I'm feeling insane, in a world so inane
I've repeated a routine that feels almost mundane
And I need to get out before I cut off my brain
I want to be free but I can't reap the truth
I stay in line because it keeps me aloof
It is the case that I can't see
I just don't know what I should be

Or how I should open up to the imaginary
Without losing grip of reality

Every good connection I've ever had
Has been wasted because I've had my eyes set on some other lad

Ain't that stupidly bad?

Aren't I living an idiotic fad

To be a musician that would be rad,
To be a psychologist with a curious head
To create truth maps using maths implying red
And that's how you can see she's run out of things she could have said.

Fuck being dead in a world full of zombies.
Take me now and save me the release. I'm hurting inside but I don't like to feel as I'm worried it'll hurt more than hot coal on my feet.

Egoic Embellishment

The self, the 'I' we like to show. The untrue self.

We create our stories,

of peace and solitude,

We mask our flaws...

With untruth, so carefully brewed.

We shine our false light,

on everything we do,

Only to realise we've masked

what's actually true.

We play our games, 

our ego is soothed,

We make our claims,

... a selfish rue.

What's to be gained?

It's up to you...

But I won't be the one to queue.

Listen closely, at the stories I tell,

Don't look beyond,

all you'll find is hell.

I didn't want anyone to see,

How the cogs work,

How my human nature,

Made me lurk.

'I'm so ugly', to which you respond 'no you're not'

'I'm so stupid' to which you respond, 'You don't realise your own intelligence'

I did not believe these things, not consciously at least,

but delving into my subconscious, I have found some release.

It turns out I am a sadist, a narcissist in disguise,

I tell the truth through my selfish lies.

You feed my ego, add to my pride,

but the evil that lurks behind these eyes is mine to hide.

I do not need your help anymore,

I've finally realised why I do what I adore,

It's not out of any disrespect,

it's shame... an ego left derelict.

So in comes ego number two,

The one that laughs and smiles at you...

The one that could never hurt or misuse you, 

don't worry she lies to herself too. 

I suppose when the actual light shines through,

It's not so unbelievable, the ego hides it, until it can't be hidden anymore.

Stop adding to the falsity that is 'I'.

It does not need to be another lie.

Be authentic, don't be afraid to cry,

When you find that light you can share it, 

but first, you need to recognise that false light and capture it,

let it grow, nurture it. 

Don't push it back and create a new personality,

because everytime you do that, you push the truth further away. 

Authenticity is a scarcity, 

Longing for freedom

What a curious world we live in,
Where paying our bills is our priority,
Where working our arses off is our philosophy,
Where 'growing up' is mandatory.
And yet, none of us see.

We were all once children,
We were wild, we were free.
We lived in the world of the imaginary,
Where anything was possible, where we could simply be.
Why have we lost our purity?
Where is our humility?
Why can't we be free?

We went through childhood,
We were conditioned and taught how to see,
How to breath, yet not how to believe,
Life was broken into sections, our imaginations constricted, our realities restricted,
Our paths depicted, generalised into the unimportant, yet made to believe they were important.

Lunacy.
We now lack our empathy, we now lack generosity, curiosity and most of all, humanity!
In a world built up of such beauty, how is it that we no longer see?
Why are we not free? Please help me understand what happened to me?

What happened to that little girl, who once saw the beauty in everything?
That little girl who was unafraid to say anything?
That little girl who admired all artistry?
That little girl, who was oh so slightly cheeky?
Where did she go? Why isn't that me?

I guess I just wish I could still see. Through the eyes of that child, who was once me.


Thoughtful Extension As the animals roam so wildly and so care free,
As the horses that run through the fields full of love and joy, not caring about their destiny, but possessing the ability to simply be.
Oh, how i wish to live with no worry of warranty, to live so naturally,
How I long for that ability! How I long to BE SILLY!
To be so gracefully ungraceful, to laugh, to cry, to not live this lie.
For existence to return to how it should be.
To live among the trees, to dream the biggest dreams!

To hold those of whome I love, to be loved for being me...
I wish to open my eyes, to see what lies behind, what we've all been conditioned to see.

Lust

I think I'm falling in love with you.
But I'd rather fall in lust,

Give me pleasure, without the pain,
Give me closeness, without the trust,
Give me breathtaking, without the beauty,
Give me enjoyment without wasting time!
Give me everything you've got,
Without having to make you mine.

Feel the vital kiss,
With a mouth as smooth as oil,
Feel your body ripple,
With a pleasure that shall not spoil,
Feel the intense nature,
Through a single glance of skin,
Feel your whole mind fill with intensity,
As lust slowly enters in.

Let the animal devour you,
As your want becomes your need,
Let it destroy the morals inside you,
Until you're let loose and you're freed,
Of every tie you've ever been given,
Of everything you've known as wrong,
Now there's a point of living,
If you would just play along.

...still won't you just stay a while?
Can we just stay real close?
Talk to me, it makes me smile,
I like you more than most,
I do adore the pleasure,
But what follows, unthought of, is pain,
As I realise through this awful scene,
That you'll never be mine to gain.

If to 'thine own self be true ',
was the truest quote ever said,
Then you can forget the lust,
Just give me true love instead