The proxy pinnacle

It may seem at times that I'm not listening
But listen i have just wont take it in
As you may believe in order to see
I must see in order to believe
I am the master of my reality
No bother fussing over silly synchronicities
Life is best when i am free
So let me be and with you I'll be
Leave behind your forgotten splendor
Heaven exists where there is not
Where the clock strikes 4.20
I'll give you plenty
If that is what you want then that will be my decree
But i can see that's not for thee
I can see your thirst for more
A life of success and true amor
You're a softie really just like me
Guess that's why i tolerate your discrepancies
I know you care although i don't know why
I know you see through my lies
But thats just a hideous disguise to mask my truth, from you i hide
If i let you in you'll betray my trust
Knocking down my walls
Should not be a must
For they are forged with stainless steel, layered with concrete and bonemeal
They block out all to a certain extent
Intricate flowers decorate the cracks.
Bonified protection, my certain repent.

For you see I do not truly like the person I have become, I've come to terms with the things I've done, I'm content in knowing i am who i am but I'm not willing to look more into myself because in truth, deep inside hides hell.

For you my rock, i understand.
I'll be here to help you through your hell just as you have helped me to stand up and stop crawling.
Thank you dear, for your angelic hand
I needed it more than i care to admit.
This love is pure... no doubt of it.

Je t'aime! J'adore! 😂

Behind the jealousy and anxiety hidden inside,
There lies this feeling, hard to hide,
For deep in the burrows of my soul,
Lies a story that remains untold,
For the contract we made together in the last life, is still to unfold.
We made a deal, a vow to live,
to do what's right, my heart I give

Connected by that red thread that ties our souls together.
If you want that contract broken let me know
For I'm the only one who can let go.
I forgive you my dear, for all previous woe.
Just know you can choose a different game to unfold.
I will be my light and give you compassion and caring,  I will break down now and again but I will keep my barings

Remember this, for I fly like the dove,
Bringing harmony to all, from up above.
I guess it's just down to you now!

Take a chance on....

Psycho entry, when narcissists collide!

He's probably playing me,
As I lie blissfully unaware,
He's probably laughing,
But I guess I don't care.
Laugh if you will,
I dare you to,
As long as you give me my fill,
Of heart fluttering goo


I know your game and I raise you 10,
For our souls they dance,
It's not this fun with most men!
I hear your choice of words,
I see how you read,
I know what you're doing
I'm following your lead 😋


And genuinely now, I feel quite deeply for you, so go on! Continue to play your games as you do...


Just don't be gutted when I play too! 😉

The intensity from within

The emotions I'm feeling,
Of how I am dealing
This heart was once so closed off
Trusting was just never enough,
Look at me, I'm yours for the taking,
But of what I'm afraid of you breaking.
I can't handle these feelings no more,
Letting myself fall, what am I doing this for?
I want to run away but at the same time I can't hide,
Of all the times, this concept I've lied.
I never knew what it was to feel,
But now I know it's all too real.
Its intensity, in all forms, confusion a must, separated into pieces of bruises and trust. For now I see that my love was never enough, it was not true, it was not love, it WAS lust.

For love should not be as romanticised as it is, it's more than just the warm fuzzy from within... It's this mixture of feelings all scrambled in to one, it's creating a connection with someone of whose soul can not be won.
Its creating a bond far beyond this plane of existence,
It's breaking free of your own shackles and finding some persistence,
It's practicing patience and knowing the shadows of the self. Its not wanting to look at somebody else, not out of fear of upsetting the other person but just simply because you're not interested.

Wow, how intense is this feeling I have.

Change the story, Sadness is not needed

The demons jump up,
they start to scag my clothes, they leave me scarred, a broken mess on the floor,
They shake me and rattle me until I can't take no more,
But here I am, healing they say
and i seem to be gaining the patience and will to face each day

My poetry was once so negative,
change it around, make it so I face each day,
with a ray of light,
a dazzle of day
It will all be okay.

I will show everyone, I will prove myself wrong
Why look upon everything, without a little bird song,

Caught out

Not that it matters anyway,
but your heart is way ahead of your brains,
your actions are not what you think, they're what you feel;
ain't that so surreal?
Stumbling from place to place,
Forgetting to check the makeup all over your face,
this, you can't replace,
everything might be at stake,
your dreams unheard of,
hidden in the fogs of broken dreams,
trying to discover what this all means;
Nothing is truly ever as it seems,
but I guess you manifest your reality,
and if you want it shallow and mean,
you'll never discover what it all really means...

And so he'll keep looking curiously intrigued,
by what he perceives to be me.

Realise eachothers discipline

A heart is hidden so deep in sorrow, Lost in the burrows of hidden remorse, Invisible from the light of the torch, As only shadows can be seen for the most... But the light is at the end of this tunnel. Falling for your closest friend, There's only so long you'll pretend. You know if you say something, he'll only offend. I'm finally ready for my punishment to end. I understand now what I've done to those, Those who confided in me praised the rose, But here I am, falling in woe. Oh love slightly tragic, I don't want to let go. Is this real, or a fragment of my mind, Am I making the same mistake of being blind, I see the flaws, but I can not hide behind, These feelings that are real and oh so sublime. They do not make sense to me at all, A cognitive repulsion lead to this call, A weird backwards attraction, the one that made me fall, Through the sky, no longer able to crawl, One day there will be no need for that wall. Letting the healing progress, And what is more, You have somehow become the one I adore. So I guess finally, I shall say my farewell, You know I was never made for this hell, I'm destined for more than being fool to your spell. I'll meet you again in another realm, You'll just be yet another story to tell... Or better yet see you another year, When both of us become more "mature", I'm talking of course, of a self-love that is pure, If only this happens, then we'll be eachothers cure But for now, I'll follow knowledge of numbers and questions on the universe, I'll become more self-disciplined and focus on each verse, Structure my life away from the hearse, Meditation and discipline, must come first. Passion into study, focus of mind, Determination, realise that love is blind. Deeper understanding will be my find, The higher dimensions will assist from being left behind. For knowledge is what I wish to observe, Truth I wish to conserve. I believe that is what I deserve. A lonely Road yet it may be, But a place where my mind will be free. Blessed be.

Don't be fooled!

Look at the world through different eyes,
Look behind the great disguise,
Break the mould and realise,
The beauty that lies behind.

We are infinite, yet oh so blinded by,
The evils of the world,
The constant lies,
We live in competition, ignoring the cries.

If we help each other out,
We let each other fly,
Help unclip our wings,
Let us all be high!

Let's not be drowned by the media distractions,
It's time we put our efforts into our actions,
If every action has an equal and opposite reaction,
Then there is a necessary evil which has to exist in this faction.

Living in the moment, shouldn't be so hard,
Why do we fixate on the good and the bad,
Just be, just live, let the good times be had.
Living for love, not living for some silly fad.

I'm ready to let go,
I'm ready to face the world anew.
Take me universe, into the sky,
take me to the next chapter of my life.

Infinite love and gratitude, I will not hide.

I trust the process.
I am realised.

Walk away from consistent consequential behaviour.

Pushing away may seem like the actions of a selfish man,
A person who quite easily can't see his fingers from his hands.

An inner child who is only now learning how to crawl,
It's taken some time and some people to go through it all.

Self-control... easy to maintain if you're on your own.
Hard to sustain when you can't trust yourself, when you don't know yourself..
I guess I've got to walk this road alone.

I'd love to give you the reins like I did before,
consistently following, I don't need my control.

But I do, inevitably, need to get past the crawl...

Those affected... I can only show remorse...
The feeling is there but yet I can't help but lose it all..
I disconnect, I re-elect... I deject.
What have I been doing all this for?

For fuck sake Shannon, it's taken 8 years of this insane behaviour
It's about time you thought to save ya... Constantly justifying the same wager.
Juggling hearts as if it's your major.

When enough is enough, you need to obey her. She needs respect and self-love.. don't delay her...
Your higher-self stays in a different layer, especially if you can't overcome what makes you stay here.


Look I'm not asking you to stay detached, to stop the quest for love, not lust.
I'm asking you to respect what god gave you and let that magic shine through
like a UV light shows invisible ink! Your fingerprints...

The premise of your being, past your mind, your body.
Your soul needs the nourishment, just like everybody...

Just plant the seeds for your future.
Be patient to see them bloom and appear.
That will be your remedy, this will be your cure

So I refer back to the man that walked away,
was he being selfish or selfless?
Selfish for leaving the important things behind or selfless for seeing the damage he'd cause by sticking around

basically just attempting to avoid that pain and suffering... past his own disdain.

Longing for freedom

What a curious world we live in,
Where paying our bills is our priority,
Where working our arses off is our philosophy,
Where 'growing up' is mandatory.
And yet, none of us see.

We were all once children,
We were wild, we were free.
We lived in the world of the imaginary,
Where anything was possible, where we could simply be.
Why have we lost our purity?
Where is our humility?
Why can't we be free?

We went through childhood,
We were conditioned and taught how to see,
How to breath, yet not how to believe,
Life was broken into sections, our imaginations constricted, our realities restricted,
Our paths depicted, generalised into the unimportant, yet made to believe they were important.

Lunacy.
We now lack our empathy, we now lack generosity, curiosity and most of all, humanity!
In a world built up of such beauty, how is it that we no longer see?
Why are we not free? Please help me understand what happened to me?

What happened to that little girl, who once saw the beauty in everything?
That little girl who was unafraid to say anything?
That little girl who admired all artistry?
That little girl, who was oh so slightly cheeky?
Where did she go? Why isn't that me?

I guess I just wish I could still see. Through the eyes of that child, who was once me.


Thoughtful Extension As the animals roam so wildly and so care free,
As the horses that run through the fields full of love and joy, not caring about their destiny, but possessing the ability to simply be.
Oh, how i wish to live with no worry of warranty, to live so naturally,
How I long for that ability! How I long to BE SILLY!
To be so gracefully ungraceful, to laugh, to cry, to not live this lie.
For existence to return to how it should be.
To live among the trees, to dream the biggest dreams!

To hold those of whome I love, to be loved for being me...
I wish to open my eyes, to see what lies behind, what we've all been conditioned to see.

Lust

I think I'm falling in love with you.
But I'd rather fall in lust,

Give me pleasure, without the pain,
Give me closeness, without the trust,
Give me breathtaking, without the beauty,
Give me enjoyment without wasting time!
Give me everything you've got,
Without having to make you mine.

Feel the vital kiss,
With a mouth as smooth as oil,
Feel your body ripple,
With a pleasure that shall not spoil,
Feel the intense nature,
Through a single glance of skin,
Feel your whole mind fill with intensity,
As lust slowly enters in.

Let the animal devour you,
As your want becomes your need,
Let it destroy the morals inside you,
Until you're let loose and you're freed,
Of every tie you've ever been given,
Of everything you've known as wrong,
Now there's a point of living,
If you would just play along.

...still won't you just stay a while?
Can we just stay real close?
Talk to me, it makes me smile,
I like you more than most,
I do adore the pleasure,
But what follows, unthought of, is pain,
As I realise through this awful scene,
That you'll never be mine to gain.

If to 'thine own self be true ',
was the truest quote ever said,
Then you can forget the lust,
Just give me true love instead

what is love?

What is love? 

But a figment of the imagination

A simple, yet complex feeling of affection

Love is a word commonly misconstrued, its meaning is lost

In different tales, lost in the past, Hidden away and only some are fortunate enough to find it

It’s funny how all we hear about, is the miracle of “love”, When all it seems to bring is hopelessness, It brings nothing but pain

The heart is truly delicate, so easy to break yet so strong at the same time

What does it mean to be “in love”?

Is it just a chemical reaction that eventually stabilises?

Or does it go far deeper than that?

So many questions, Only a lifetime to find the answers

Answers that you may not really want

Is it better to just avoid Love? Or should we embrace it?

Should we search for Love? Or will it find us?

Only time will tell

But oh, we want it so badly,

We spend our lives hoping, praying that we eventually find it

Even though we don’t know what it is,

We’re scared to die alone, Afraid of never being loved by the one we grow to adore

This is my quest; I’m not going to give up,

Life’s a sweet adventure, conflicting pain and sorrow

But we don’t realise that there’s more,

How are we to forget Pandora’s Box? There’s always hope, Hope that happiness, Joy, perfection and Love will all be obtained

So there’s no reason to give up

I will find the answer to my question

What is love?