Nonsensical Reflection

I dreamt of you last night,
I dreamt of you in a new home,
with a new vibe,
you seemed happy...
Which is great...
No need for me to intervene....

I have actually thought about you a lot recently,
maybe it's because this time last year is where it all fell apart,
By that I mean, it's where I destroyed it,
I removed each brick one by one, from the bottom,
Like a game of Jenga,
It didn't fall,
I had to push it over...

A perfect story of self-sabotage....

So why?
I wonder,
Would I be feeling your yearning,
After I destroyed it so well,
A cheating, of honest proportions...
A fearing of perfection,
A path we could have gone down,
blocked by a wall that I built,
Out of fear that it could work,
Or was it more.... a knowing that there was something that I be not knowing?

I still wonder about that,
I still wonder what misinformation I was picking up on...

I do not think it was mere fear that held me back...
It was more…
There was something sneaky going on,
I was blindfolded in regards to something....

And a year on....
I am left still wondering...


I used to think that the truth always comes out eventually,
Now... I am not so sure.

Well...
At least my words have returned...
I missed being able to honestly reflect,
in the way I always did best.


I love you, I miss you and I hope life is treating you well.