Identity Crisis

I remember a time, 

Where i'd sit at the keyboard

and the words would flow like a wild waterfall into a lake during rainy season,

I would not even have to think but there the words would be. 

There in those words, secrets would unfold and I would emerge from those words with complete clarity of mind. 

But here I am... Struggling so completely.

My past, so deeply buried, left behind...

Yet still fresh in my mind, haunting me day by day...

Who was I? Who am I? Where did I go?

Who am I to become?

It's hard to let go of the past when you hold such strong emotions to certain things that happened.

Such strong emotions attached to events which honestly, you'd have done best to avoid. 

But hey, many poisons have that sort of addictive effect.

Maybe, I'm just being entirely vague about this situation. 

But how do I explain? How can I explain to people who are so incapable of grasping what it is I mean? 

The most frustrating part is that people don't even care to understand!

Look at this world, look at the injustices, look at the way people are.

What happens? People don't care anymore?

They don't even want to care, they don't even want to understand... because it means dropping any preconceived notions. They think It means abandoning the person we have grown attached to being. 

But it doesn't at all, it just means letting go of old pointless beliefs, getting rid of silly generalisations. Making room for something different. 

Funny, me talking about this. But I couldn't do it when I was put in that situation. It hurt too much. But maybe that hurt was just a sign that the others involved weren't capable of the same. Maybe we need a mass conscious shift into a state where we drop all of our preconceived beliefs. Stop generalising completely. Give people room to be more than what we pin them down to be.

If you followed this, then well done. If you didn't. Don't worry, most people haven't got a clue what I'm talking about most of the time.

10 minute challenge. Topic - someone looking for something.

She had been searching and searching deep within her heart, yearning for more, but tell me this... What was she even searching for?

Everyone looked at her with blind confusion, they were aware that she was looking for something, when they asked her what it was she was searching for, she'd just say, "I don't know, I'm yet to find it".
They looked at her like she was crazy and she couldn't really blame them, she understood why they thought this about her.
All she knew at that point was that when she found what she was looking for, she would know it was found. That void inside her would be filled, her yearning would stop.

Maybe this had a lot to do with why she was always finding herself in and out of different relationships, maybe she was looking for love or maybe she was just looking for her self; now that's an interesting idea... Why would someone be looking for themselves? When you're always with yourself, so it makes no sense how she could have lost herself in order to set out to search for her self in the first place!

Maybe... She was just searching for a reason to stay alive, some sort of meaning to all this jargon we call life. I mean, she couldn't see the point of it all, really. The way she saw it; we wake up, we eat our breakfast, clean ourselves up and then carry on with our drab, little, predictable, somewhat meaningless lives and repeat daily, without taking a second to take it all in.

Zoom out, further and further and you begin to see just how insignificant we really are. This is what she realised.
We're not even a blim, we're tiny little grains of nothingness, when you look at us on a cosmic scale. Yet, we're able to consciously perceive our own existence and the very fact of how insignificant we really are.... This is what made her think, "there's no way our existence is completely meaningless, if we are all this insignificant yet we have the ability to even comprehend our insignificance... Then automatically we can't be all that insignificant in the first place. "

Maybe she was just looking for a shred of hope in this destructive and dark world, surrounded by hateful actions and painful lies, people disguising what truly lies inside and discrediting the damage we inflict in our lives, discrediting what it means to exist...

Nonetheless, whatever it was she was looking for, she had confidence she would find it.