Banging my head against a concrete slab expecting different results

I'm stuck

In at home where no matter what I do or say
I get dragged down
I'm stuck with shit finances barely managing to get by
I'm stuck with people who when I ask for a hand with anything, it's too much for them
I'm stuck because I can not afford to pay for a simple bloody driving test
I'm stuck because even when I do finish that driving test
My car is getting towed tomorrow for a debt I did not even know existed until this month
I'm stuck because I help people out and expect nothing in return
I'm stuck because I keep giving and giving to the wrong fucking people
And why do I do it?
Because I fucking hate the way this world works
Because I hope that maybe one day they'll stop being so selfish and actually realise and somehow change

I'm stuck because I put myself in this position
I'm stuck because I didn't take the easy way out

Now
Being honest to myself
I see that
I don't exactly have real friends
The 2 people I live with care more about what I can do for them than anything else
I hate asking people for a way out
Because I feel like a burden
On others, on myself
I contemplate suicide frequently
Down the river, down the river shannon
But I can't do that, it would be wrong to those around me
They may not know how to care but I know it would tear them up if I was gone completely
Maybe I'll die
Constantly convinced something wants me dead
Convinced I'll get a brain tumor
Or a severe lung problem
Or maybe I'll get attacked

I try my fucking hardest
And it's not good enough for anyone
It's good enough for me for a little while
But then other people get involved
They knock me down again and again
And honestly
I think I'm reaching my threshold of what I can take.
I don't want to hurt anyone
I never want to hurt anyone
But it's hurting me.

Circles
Round and round we go
Where we stop no one knows

Stop the world
I want to get off

At least send me a few grand to start me off
Can't drive still.
It's been a fucking year.

People who said they'd help me
Never really did, they just assisted in isolating me and making me feel less than me
But hey I got to remember they've helped me with plenty
They've helped me create problem after problem
They've helped me hurt myself
They've helped convince me I'm incapable of being alone
They've torn at my independence

Be fucking grateful
Could all be worse

You could be lying in a hearse.

Fuck you guys.

Youre meant to care.

Fuck you. Selfish twats.

When I lived on my own I helped friends out when they were in the shit. Yet I feel like a burden to ask others.

I'm banging my head against a brick wall

Again on my own
Who else have I got
Don't want to drag people down

Around and around

Help me for fuck sake
Selfish world

I can talk
I'm pretty selfish too
I have a good habit of throwing away my escapes... If its not for the right reason I won't do it.

We all are selfish
So can I really blame them

I just need a way out
Free me from these fake etheric chains

Sell sell sell

Sell my stuff
Sell my stuff
Ps3 and games
Sell the books
Sell clothes
Burn old work
Sell instruments this is the hard one

Or just kill myself
That's an option too
But that would be selfish of me to do

Fuck you